Humanist Chaplain = Facetime with Family

Brian Kilmeade hosts something for Fox News and asserts that the request that the Pentagon hire and provide “Humanist” Chaplains to help provide service to non-theist soldiers.

In a typical display of “supporting the troops” Brian asserted that atheist soldiers do not need religious chaplains because they could just “Facetime Somebody”.

This is rather amusing to me. See? Religious people require a special seance with their chaplain to speak to a being that may or may not exist and indeed individual chaplains consider each other’s beings to not exist. But atheists? All they need is Internet and Skype to talk to someone real and tangible who can provide them with comfort.

I think that’s far more interesting than gods.

But I think that is missing the point. The provision of a humanist chaplain is to aid and assist non-believers or indeed provide a secular alternative to people who don’t wish for a religious chaplain.

“Are we going to have chaplains for vegetarians now?”

Yes because Humanism = A Dietary Choice

 “What ever happens, just know, there is no afterlife.”

There is only one life and one chance. And that is what makes this one so important. A humanist can argue that he has a greater appreciation of life than someone who thinks that death is but a temporary inconvenience.

The request was all “game” to attack religion. They don’t need a humanist or whatever the heck that is,” she said. “You want a hug? I’ll give you a hug. You want to go talk to a counselor, you can go talk to a counselor. What is the point of this? This doesn’t make any sense to me.”

You want to pray to your god? You pray to your god. Why do you need a special guy to pray to him? Is your god hard of hearing? Hindu gods don’t require intercessories as demonstrated by the story of Prahalad and Narasimha. Surely your god has the same capacity to function sans special military priests.

OR you know? Humanist chaplains just provide another option.

“And why do we pay our military and our troops more because we are diverting funds unnecessarily because we are so super-PC,” she added. “I can’t stand it. And you have to put money over on this side instead of where it belongs. What?”

You don’t pay your military troops all that much and seriously? Chaplains are what’s breaking the bank? Not the F22 program but a few poxy humanists in chaplain roles.

Faulkner pointed out that religious people deserved support because they were being asked to “put their lives on the line,” but atheists did not need special chaplains.

Because atheists aren’t risking their lives?

“If you need somebody to listen to you, they have counselors,” she said.

Okay. Call the counsellor a humanist chaplain. What’s your big loss?

“Why don’t you just Facetime somebody if you need somebody to talk to!” Kilmeade volunteered. “Because clearly the chaplains aren’t going to give you the answers.”

Which is why atheists in the army should have access to a secular chaplain.

Rather amused. In the argument between “support the troops” and “hate atheists”, the latter wins!


  1. DennisinBaltimore says

    I am an old military veteran, Vietnam era. The reason humanists, atheists, and others need chaplains is not because a chaplains profess a religious ideology. Chaplains actually have power within a military command (they are officers) to express or aid a low ranking members issues to the commanding officer. They facilitate solutions.

  2. secmilchap says

    Secular Celebrants need to get the word out. In recent meetings with MAAF chapters and other freethinkers, 20-50% of current or former military members did not know of the availability of secular celebrants near them. Fifty years ago, when I was EAD, chaplains helped everybody. Stories are now surfacing of military chaplains criticizing servicemembers for reading science or trying to entice them into “private” conversations that are actually ploys to pressure them toward ‘conversion’ to fundamentalist xtian religion. As another commenter has said, these peope are officers, and have influence. In some cases their influence is being used in ways not consistent with our rights under the Constitution. We all know that we give up some rights when we join the military, but the right to our own beliefs is not appropriate for others to question or attempt to change. Our “elected representatives” are preventing us from fielding Humanist Chaplains, but we can help our irreligious servicemembers stateside – at least.

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