Facetime = Chaplain

Brian Kilmeade hosts something for Fox News and asserts that the request that the Pentagon hire and provide “Humanist” Chaplains to help provide service to non-theist soldiers.

In a typical display of “supporting the troops” Brian asserted that atheist soldiers do not need religious chaplains because they could just “Facetime Somebody”.

This is rather amusing to me. See? Religious people require a special seance with their chaplain to speak to a being that may or may not exist and indeed individual chaplains consider each other’s beings to not exist. But atheists? All they need is Internet and Skype to talk to someone real and tangible who can provide them with comfort.

I think that’s far more interesting than gods.

But I think that is missing the point. The provision of a humanist chaplain is to aid and assist non-believers or indeed provide a secular alternative to people who don’t wish for a religious chaplain.

“Are we going to have chaplains for vegetarians now?”

Yes because Humanism = A Dietary Choice

 “What ever happens, just know, there is no afterlife.”

There is only one life and one chance. And that is what makes this one so important. A humanist can argue that he has a greater appreciation of life than someone who thinks that death is but a temporary inconvenience.

The request was all “game” to attack religion. They don’t need a humanist or whatever the heck that is,” she said. “You want a hug? I’ll give you a hug. You want to go talk to a counselor, you can go talk to a counselor. What is the point of this? This doesn’t make any sense to me.”

You want to pray to your god? You pray to your god. Why do you need a special guy to pray to him? Is your god hard of hearing? Hindu gods don’t require intercessories as demonstrated by the story of Prahalad and Narasimha. Surely your god has the same capacity to function sans special military priests.

OR you know? Humanist chaplains just provide another option.

“And why do we pay our military and our troops more because we are diverting funds unnecessarily because we are so super-PC,” she added. “I can’t stand it. And you have to put money over on this side instead of where it belongs. What?”

You don’t pay your military troops all that much and seriously? Chaplains are what’s breaking the bank? Not the F22 program but a few poxy humanists in chaplain roles.

Faulkner pointed out that religious people deserved support because they were being asked to “put their lives on the line,” but atheists did not need special chaplains.

Because atheists aren’t risking their lives?

“If you need somebody to listen to you, they have counselors,” she said.

Okay. Call the counsellor a humanist chaplain. What’s your big loss?

“Why don’t you just Facetime somebody if you need somebody to talk to!” Kilmeade volunteered. “Because clearly the chaplains aren’t going to give you the answers.”

Which is why atheists in the army should have access to a secular chaplain.

Rather amused. In the argument between “support the troops” and “hate atheists”, the latter wins!


  1. M can help you with that. says

    Well, “Support the troops!” rarely has anything to do with actual troops, much less supporting them. “Support the troops” means “Any action taken by the military which the right wing approves of is by definition morally unassailable, and suggesting that we’ve ever put troops in the line of fire when they shouldn’t have been is blasphemy.” Little to do with troops, much to do with militarism and jingoism.

  2. YankeeCynic says

    What’s super frustrating is that the “just go see a counselor” responses are super disingenuous. Every single battalion (about 800-1000 troops) have chaplains, who go everywhere and do everything with the unit. In addition to spiritual counseling, they provide relationship counseling, stress counseling, grief counseling, et cetera.

    Mental health counselors, on the other hand, are held at the division level or higher. Maybe you have one at the brigade (4000-5000 but you typically see them in the division surgeons office. A division in the US Army varies because the sub unit numbers vary, but they have upwards of 15, 000 troops. So rather than a 1:800 ration, you have a 1:15000 ratio. Oh and by the way there are chaplains at each brigade and multiple chaplains at the division. In other words, you’re basically bumping into chaplains at the chow hall they’re so numerous, but often you need to fly to major headquarters or hospitals to see a mental health professional.

    And that doesn’t even touch the reduced stigma of going to see a chaplain verses a mental health professional. Which isn’t helped by morons on TV using mental health professional in the same breath they just used to chastise people wanting to see them as “soft” and “overly PC”.

  3. karmacat says

    From what I have heard, seeing a mental health counselor gets put in your record. Seeing a chaplain can be completely confidential.

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