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A Voice for Me – Once a Good Girl Goes Bad

There is a consistent problem within the various MRA spheres particularly the Indian one bemoaning “Women/Girls these Days”.

Basically? MRA don’t like what’s happened to women. No longer are they docile. No longer do their lives revolve around men and how to please them. It’s not that men’s power has been eroded but women have been gaining the same power that men have. And this frightens a generation of men brought up to think that women will like them no matter what.

And this causes them to wax poetical about it.

We live in a very strange world, a world where love is cursed by polygamy, sex has lost its value, and women have changed drastically. From once having morals and respect for themselves, girls are running around now with not a bit of dignity.

My dear when you said a threesome with a fan, that’s not what I had in mind

The MRA live in such a terrible world. These dainty flowers cannot fathom the depths of depravity our world has sunk to! Women speak to men as equals! And now women wear pantaloons! PANTALOONS! Why! The average woman’s ankles may be easily seen! This is too much for their dainty hearts! These delicate men are too fragile, to weak and too good for this sinful earth.

Sure you can call it generation YOLO and women seizing the moment and just living life and having fun like they like to call it, but it just leaves me hoping I never end up with a daughter. nowadays values are corrupted and it’s seems its all about having fun: the quick sex, the quick thrill and the terrible Facebook photos that you get tagged in the next day, but there has to be some sort of a line.

If I had a son though. That would be pretty sweet. After all easy ladies right? YOLO!

Wait… if I am bemoaning a world gone crazy where women have sexual agency then what hope does my son have? 

YOLO. And your son will come into this world bemoaning the lack of stable relationships and the meaningless sex…

NO WAIT! Marriages still occur. Cheating on each other and multiple sex partners has always occurred throughout history. And people are different. Just let your daughter learn what she wants to be and give her the sex education she needs to be safe. After that? it’s her choice.

The only definition of this man’s “YOLO Age” is “promiscuous women”. It doesn’t matter what else this hypothetical women do, what matters is how much sex they are having. If that isn’t slut shaming then nothing else is.

For men, it’s great that these women have decided to become just like us. They’ve taken the male approach to sex and the way we treat the other gender. It is almost like they have become a mirror image of men in our love for a multitude of partners. This is great, because it cuts out a lot of the hard work that men used to have to go through to woo a woman to get what they ultimately want.

Here in lies the problem.

Sex is fun but if that’s the only thing you are interested in a woman then chances are you won’t have a long lasting relationship. 

TMI Time – I haven’t had sex in nearly 5 years. I am for all intents and purposes celibate. However I used to. And to my best recollection, the longest I have managed before getting “tired” is around 20 minutes. There are 24 hours in a day. Even if you are some sort of inhuman fuck machine (I need to make that a T-Shirt) who can have sex every hour that’s a grand total of 18 hours left in the day where you aren’t having sex. You stud you…

But that means you have 18 hours to do other things and be human beings around each other. You have to be civil and nice and have other things in life.

If the sole goal of men and indeed if you teach kids that the sole goal in their lives is to acquire sex without any correlation with the people that sex is attached to then you are setting them up for one night stands only without an education on how a real relationship works.

Sex is great but it’s not the only thing on which relationships stand. And to “keep a woman interested” you got to have other stuff to do.

Sure women have become independent, which is a great feat and should constantly be encouraged, but that is the positive side of women rising to power in our society. With every pro there happens to be a con, and the con here is that most of these women have completely lost all respect for themselves, and their morals along the way.

Sure women should be independent! But not sexually! If they start having sex without agency… why… why the fabric of society would tear itself to pieces.

They’ve become thirsty for attention, from posting half naked photos on Instagram to having their whole lives exposed on the internet, through the course of hashtags. Then you have drugs, cocaine and molly being predominant, and many women addicted to prescription pills to help their “anxiety.” In short, women have become easy, but they have also become broken — and eventually become undesirable because no one stays hot forever.

Actually that’s more to do with the nature of fame. In the west fame is as much a currency as actual currency or skills. In fact? It’s often more so in that fame is “easy to acquire”. We are bombarded with pictures and the lives of famous people and we would rather “be them”. 

We all grow up wanting to be actors or rock stars or sporting legends. 

And people grow up seeing these things and wish to emulate these heroes because we portray them as “impressive”. To this day Chris Brown still gets to make music rather than being treated like the abusive violent fuckwit that he is because “fame”. So kids think it’s okay to behave like him. 

And here is the thing. From time immemorial the older generation has looked at kids and gone “What’s this generation coming to”. I bet the earliest cro-magnons looked at their kids and said “Humanity Is Doomed”.

Let’s put aside that problem and look at the other one. 

Women have become easy and broken. Why? Because drugs and anxiety! And then they turn ugly and I don’t want them anymore!

There are two things I wish to say. Firstly? Anxiety used to be a major problem in people and without medication people used to suffer with it. Women were more likely to get help since it was considered a “female disorder”. Men didn’t. If you really really want to help men then help destroy the wall of silence between men and psychiatric help.

The second thing? The MRA in this piece has a specific tactic that is faulty. When MRA complain about women you have to think the “other way”. We see the MRA as horrid people who under the guise of championing issues pertaining to men actually just sit around and whinge about women and just behave in a misogynistic way. Often? They buy into the sister act of the Pick Up Artist.

Now think about the sort of people who would date those kind of people. The thing is MRA and PUA do find women to date them. There are women out there who buy into their bullshit either because they were brought up to buy into their bullshit or think that their bullshit is attractive.

But that’s not the kind of people the MRA want.

Sure we men are to blame for this as well, but that is because we are idiots. It all comes down to perception. Women see us drool over that hot girl that is standing half naked in her default picture or see us go wild when we easily get the number to a hot girl we just met on the street. To a man’s perception this seems “right” because it’s exactly what we want: sex without much effort. But for women from the outside looking in, they think that this is what we want, and it skews their perception.

Wait. So i am confused. Are the men at fault here for fancying pretty people or are women at fault here for aspiring to be pretty people to be fancied? Is this some sort of mad MRA world where he just cannot help himself fancy beautiful women with issues so he assumes all women want to be beautiful and have issues?

Good girls gone bad, the city is filled with them to paraphrase the great Jay-Z. The problem is that it’s not just the city, but society as a whole. Men are to blame for this because we encourage such behavior and give these girls the attention they want when they are dressed up like complete retards at EDM shows and when they are in their bikinis on Instagram. But women are also to blame in giving this artificial persona of what men call hot or not.

Fat Bottomed Girls They Make the Rockin World Go Round to paraphrase the great Freddie Mercury.

Instead we should insist women dress in Burkhas or at least those shapeless mormon outfits. Women do like men and do like to be liked by men. It’s why men take time to wear nice clothes that appeal to women. It’s why women spend time on it. 

No! The author just wants for a simpler time when all women were considered hot! See that’s the thing. At no point in history were women considered universally attractive. Women always had to check boxes while men generally got away with how they looked with relatively few issues.

And learn to control yourself. If you don’t like the bikini clad ladies of the world then “don’t” date them. Unless you cannot help yourself. You are the scorpion and they are the sexy frog?

Sure I’m an asshole that loves to take advantage of women who are willing to bang me without me having to offer too much, but at the same time I am also a gentleman that knows how to treat a lady with respect and compassion just like any other true lady should be treated.

Unlike all those “false” ladies made out of plastic and twigs?

See. Again. What a “True Lady” but the tired rehashed words of victorian models. None of you women meet my exact and demanding standards so aren’t ladies! I am not calling you sluts but I am certainly waggling my eyebrows and making inverted commas about the “women” thing. Yes, I am sure you are happy with what choices you made in your life and are proud of them but you aren’t for me.

You whore…

Treat everyone with respect and compassion. Not just “Real/True/Proper Women”.

The truth of the matter is that you can’t change women that are already broken, so those are the ones that men use for exactly what we want: sex with no strings attached. Because it’s easy and it’s right in front of us. But at some point in time, through the course of our lives, we are going to grow out of chasing someone that has been with everyone. Sure being a bachelor is fun and all, the stories are great, bragging to our friends is epic, but we are eventually going to want more out of a female than just sex.

So what he is saying is that he wants to fuck women till the cows come home and then go get married to a virgin. 

What a double standarded fuckwit. Just because you stick your cock into vagina doesn’t mean it turns into poison. Honestly? The thing that bites the MRA here the absolute most is not that women are having sex but that he cannot shag around and then demand a virgin woman (because that’s effectively what he wants).

Okay, maybe he has some leeway here. At what exact point does a woman start being “broken”. Is there a line between “Proper Lady” and “Filthy Whore”? What level of “issues” do you consider broken? Does this include sociological issues? Psychiatric issues? What about health related issues? I mean is a woman not a woman because she suffers from anxiety due to hyperthyroidism?

Basically? If we read through all the bullshit the goal of all men is to sow wild oats and then go get the perfect wife who will be able to tame his mighty penis with her wifely vagina and therefore prevent him from sleeping about. How about “Why don’t you learn to differentiate between sex and a relationship and learn that the two aren’t mutually exclusive but can be. So someone can be sexually attracted to someone but not want to have a relationship. And if you take that honest approach you will not have to LIE to women to get sex.

That is when we want to settle down, but with a lady who has respect for herself, morals — and there isn’t one guy out there that can have a bad story to tell about her — like the time she had a threesome in a London hostel while studying abroad.

Oh no! All her achievements! They mean nothing! Why! it doesn’t matter what else she is or has done! The mere act of a threesome has turned her vagina into so much poison that my constant manerection is wilting!

It is not immoral to have a threesome. It is not immoral to have a sex life. It is not immoral to like sex.

What is immoral is to denigrate someone for liking it.

Because of the double standard that is in place between men and women, finding a girl of this nature wasn’t that hard decades ago because women actually held high standards for themselves and demanded men to treat them properly before they gave them what they wanted.

Because that’s all you want in a woman. You think the “holding hands and the dinners and the witty banter” are just hassle.

It’s not high standards. It’s “Women Didn’t Have Sexual Agency”. The sexual revolution gave women the means and the attitude to enjoy sex and seek it out.

Women now demand to be treated properly, not as property. It’s just that what properly means to the MRA is “waited on hand and foot and in some magical wife stereotype” vs reality.

The truth of the matter nowadays is that good girls, as we like to call them, don’t really exist. They are unicorns. You are lucky if you come across one that is actually who she says she is. We sometimes even joke that our future wives are currently in Kindergarten because it is comforting to know that she is currently playing with blocks and not swinging from dick to dick because they sell her a good enough story. And when she’s 18 we’ll snap her right up and she’ll have no exposure to being a slut.

And we joke that you are creepy fucking child fuckers who place sole value on a woman for sex.

Oh how we laugh! Ho Ho Ho!

I don’t really have to say anything here about how creepy this MRA attitude is.

Men are going to want to settle down with a good girl, a girl that is respectable and not someone that has been with everyone — as that is every man’s fear. The older you get, the more you realize that it is a fantasy that doesn’t actually exist. When you actually meet one, you will refuse to admit she’s real anyways.

Not mine. My biggest fear is explosions. It’s my fear and I can fear what I want damnit!

Because the older you get the older the women get and the more likely they are to have had sex. For the same reason that the older the man you date the less likely he is to be a virgin.

And what baffles me is that I remember being a virgin. I sucked at sex when I started off. I got better. Why would I want the female equivalent of me to be terrible at sex with. I have dated a virgin while not being one and the sex can only be described as “very fumbling”. Like “in retrospect it was lousy”. Why the hell would you want that?

Because that’s what it boils down to. The MRA want a woman who has never known the touch of a man but will still rock his world. Newsflash… A virgin nibbling on my ear accidentally bit through it because she didn’t know the difference between “sexy hard” and “Mike Tyson hard”. I had to explain how some things are just “porn” and not feasible in real sex. In real life, women and men who are virgins tend to not be “good” at sex for the same reason that I would suck at Tennis (never played it). 

So let’s concede on virginity. Now here we have some sort of mad algorithm where there is a certain number of men a woman is allowed to have sex with before she is considered “broken” by the MRA. Is this a flat number? OR does it scale with time? Is there a specific rate at which women are allowed to fuck guys by MRA standards?

See! This is madness. It’s insecurity. And you want to know how sexy that is? No woman ever says “Mm… I love it when you fear inadequacy compared to my exes.”.

My question is what happened to a girl impressing us with her intellect and being able to hold a conversation past: do you come here often? Why has it become the standard that women have to impress men by flashing their tits or dressing up half naked? Sure we may seem dumb when we are chasing smuts, but when we do actually want to settle down with a female, she has to meet the standards that we have for a girl with whom we want to settle down.

Because if you go to a nightclub it’s impossible to have a conversation. And I kind of understand what he is saying here.

You have different standards for a one night stand than for a relationship. Obviously since a once night stand is temporary thing you aren’t as interested in intellectual conversation and the like. Now here is the thing. Different people like different things. 

Tiga is often astonished by me nerding out. Like “My Brother Reads Comic Books” turns into “Differences between Marvel and DC” (FYI? DC is the heroes you WANT to be, Marvel is the heroes you would probably be. You want to be Superman, but chances are you will be the Hulk and struggling with his rage…)

That’s the thing. The MRA have it all wrong. 

If you want to meet a MENSA member (I don’t know. You need help with your Sudoku) then your port of call is MENSA, not a Nightclub. It’s not because MENSA members don’t go to nightclubs but because the chance of you meeting one there is diluted and the way a nightclub chat up goes is entirely based on sexual appeal. The chance of a conversation about MENSA is rare.

Likewise you need to do activities that interest you in order to find someone who shares those with you. And you can’t find someone exactly perfect but sometimes you have to make that work too. What are you? A fucking child who believes that one day you will marry the “Perfect” person. 

Let’s use an example. I have a ludicrously adventurous streak. I have eaten “ant chutney” and liked it. Tiga is less so. But I figure she can swan around a hotel while I go poke sharks with spoons or whatever bizarre activity I feel happy doing. We have to make concessions to each other and that’s okay. That’s how life works. I have to spend time in a spa, she may have to spend time watching me trying to punch a bear… (Okay… maybe not)

Through my experiences, as well as the experiences of many other men, it’s hard to come across a good girl or a unicorn. We’re not asking for much here, just a girl that respects herself and is smart to the point where she would understand us.

My dear Sweet naive MRA…

Women who respect themselves and are smart enough to understand you don’t want to be in relationships with you because you espouse a terrible ideology. Any woman smart enough and respects herself isn’t going to want to date someone who insists on treating her as a slut if she has a sexual life that didn’t involve you at one point.

It also implies that the MRA here is so astonishingly intelligent that he can barely understand what we say. Or  that he is some sort of special being out of the ken of the common man.

Which is daft. The moment you say that most people aren’t going to respond “OH I DO UNDERSTAND YOU! I LOVE YOUR MIGHTY BRAIN!” they are going to go “Oh Really? Guess I got to go find someone else!”.

But then there is the other side of the spectrum, that when we do actually find a unicorn and settle down, our ego gets a bit ahead of ourselves and we find them a bit too boring for our liking, so we decide to cheat. It’s like a double-edged sword. You realize it wasn’t getting the unicorn, but rather attracting something you thought never existed. It always is about the chase and never about the perfection of the woman. And that is the mindset of men in the 21st century.

No… People cheat for a variety of reasons. And what you are describing is “falling out of love”.

No one endeavours to fall out of love. It’s just something that happens. Sometimes it is mutual. Sometimes it’s not. But here is the thing. It’s not the mindset of men in the 21st century, it’s just how love works. Sometimes people fall out of it.

We don’t bank on that happening though. You play the game to win not to lose. 

What we look for is a lady on the street and a freak in the bed, as Ludacris once explained. The problem is that most girls are freaks everywhere, which leaves us with fewer options when trying to settle down. Unicorns are tough to find, and if you do stumble upon one, do everything in your power to hold onto her, as the chase is only fun for so long — and we do have a sense of compassion and companionship we like to share with a partner.

Please stop taking advice from rappers.

Perhaps if you stop referring to women as “freaks” you would find one who shares your interests.

Those are the natural instincts of a man. Ladies, men are not going to respect you if you don’t respect yourselves. It’s that simple.

The natural instincts of a man? Apparently we are bound to always be wankers.

MRAs need to take their own advice. Their portrayal of men is more detrimental to men than “helping”. It’s not respecting themselves, it’s portraying themselves as naught but braying idiots little removed from beasts by speaking about “The Natural Instinct” of men. In addition the rampant misogyny simply portrays them as hypocrites.

Now repeat after me. How on earth are you helping my gender if you portray us as animalistic misogynists with no sense of irony or hypocrisy. How are you helping my gender if you denigrate the various issues women face as “Womanly” without realising that men face those issues too (although they wouldn’t admit it because admission is weakness right?).

Seriously? Yet again Men’s Rights Activists prove they are a detriment to men’s issues as a whole.

Comments

  1. CaitieCat says

    Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

    We sometimes even joke that our future wives are currently in Kindergarten

    Dude, if you’re joking about finding sex partners in a Kindergarten, you’re not just a douchebag, you’re a fucking nonce-in-waiting. Because decent folk? “Gentlemen”? Yeah, they don’t look at five-year-olds and start thinking about having sex.

  2. Ysanne says

    Hilarious.

    To a man’s perception this seems “right” because it’s exactly what we want: sex without much effort. But for women from the outside looking in, they think that this is what we want, and it skews their perception.

    Sure I’m an asshole that loves to take advantage of women who are willing to bang me without me having to offer too much,…

    So it’s horrible that women see that sex without much effort is what this guy wants (and then projects on every other guy)? Or rather, it’s horrible and formerly unimaginable that women want sex without much effort too, and this has taken all the fun out of getting laid, since it isn’t that fantastic badge of super-attractive manliness that he had imagined it to be…

    It always is about the chase and never about the perfection of the woman.

    Or rather, the choice in partner was guided by a highly idiotic, ego-flattery centered short-term criterion which selects for women who are attracted to slut-shaming dumbasses and are quite inhibited with their own sexuality. Combined with the MRA’s assholery, not a good basis for a mutually rewarding and therefore stable long-term relationship.

  3. smrnda says

    I have to say, you have a great talent for hilarious take-downs of MRA materials.

    Though women exercising sexual agency clearly bothers this guy, I think a lot of self-identified MRAs just seem bothered by any form of agency coming from a woman. It’s like the fact that women have goals, preferences, interests and ambitions of their own and can often be content without necessarily being with a man seems to bother them. Even with a nod to wanting some kind of ‘conversation of substance’ is really more like wanting a woman to sit around going ‘wow, really? wow, really?’ to some of these guys.

    Do you know how old this guy is? He seems obsessed with the potential sexual history of a partner, though it’s the kind of thing that, once you get a bit older I’d imagine most people cease to care about since everybody has some kind of sexual history, and as people mature they find more relevant things to care about in a potential mate. It’s the type of obsession that I could imagine a 19 year old virgin having since at that point, sex might still seem like some huge deal but it doesn’t seem like a particularly adult perspective.

    “I had to explain how some things are just “porn” and not feasible in real sex. ”

    I LOVED this line. Porn is often very bad sex education.

  4. Esteleth, the most colossal nerd on Pharyngula says

    The distressing thing is that for a bit there, he almost seemed on the verge of getting it that the double standard and hypocrisy is unworkable, and is going to fail in the real world.

    But, nope. He just wants a world where there are loose women for him to party with, and a separate pool of “marriageable” women.

  5. says

    I’m quite happy and satisfied with my sluttery, and if my years of awesome sexual experiences are a deterrent from being bothered by slimy pedo wannabes like this guy, then all the better.

    Incidentally, there is a new book out concerning exactly this subject. How to Create the Perfect Wife by Wendy Moore details the quest of Thomas Day, noted for his opposition to slavery and even animal rights, back in the late 18th century, to mold a young girl into a wife, since all his attempts at marrying an adult woman had failed. He adopted two young girls and isolated them from everyone but himself and a married female friend. He followed the methods of childrearing detailed in Rousseau’s Emile, which of course was meant as a philosophical treatise, not a Dr. Spock manual for parents.

    Sounds like the project would really appeal to this dude. The results were, naturally, disastrous.

  6. NotThe Boss says

    I think the portion of this that really bothers the English major within (and the feminist and scientist without) is the continual use of “self-respect” without actually defining it. People do this all the time in these sorts of screeds. It drives me absolutely bonkers. How on earth is a pursuit of sex “lacking self-respect”?

    When someone can define things like “modesty” and “self-respect” as something that is an understandable social good, then perhaps I’ll start paying attention to the pearl-clutching community.

    I shall not be holding my breath.

  7. morrighan says

    Summary: “Girls! Keep you virginity, so that, one day, a complete asshole will want to marry you!”. And then he wanders why most women answer “uhm… thanks, but no thanks”

    XD

  8. Jason B says

    Esteleth wrote –
    “He just wants a world where there are loose women for him to party with, and a separate pool of “marriageable” women.”

    Yes exactly. He can get the former in the West, no problem. With a passport, he can access the other pool. If he knew that, he probably would not have written his little essay.

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