This is how I deal with bad comments


I was bullied as a kid.  Then I punched the kid who bullied me.  I wont say I necessarily WON the fight… but I didnt die… and he never bullied me again.  Dont kill yourself you idiots it just means the bullies won.

– Unp0ssible

No… Just no.

This is just a very simplistic method of looking at bullying. What works for you doesn’t work for others. I cannot expect other people to work 12 hour days in 40C weather with no power and wearing a coat.

The comments policy is simple. Bad comments get showcased and this one is “bad”.

Because it’s heartless.

Comments

  1. says

    Actually, I’ve heard from a bullying expert (can’t remember her name off the top of my head) that this usually does not</b work because bullies are typically seeking attention. Punching them is a form of attention, so that actually gives the bullies what they want. Sure, they’d probably prefer you not give them negative attention, but they’ll still accept it.
    I also am skeptical if this person was actually bullied. I was bullied, too. From my experience, bullies often don’t work alone; and that bullying expert has also said about as much. As part of that attention seeking thing, they also often show off to their friends so they can then get attention/approval from those friends.

  2. says

    There was a kid in high school who bullied me, and wound up getting a fair bit of attention from the school nurse. I’m not sure if I was bullied or if it was just an attempt at bullying.

    Bullying is rewarding for the bully on multiple levels, it’s not just attention – it’s also a way of maintaining dominance over their gang of followers, etc. Making them run away crying and bleeding really ruins it for them; negative attention isn’t much of a reward, if it is at all.

  3. latsot says

    Bullies tend to be more sophisticated than people give them credit for. If they intimidate you physically, you can just hit them back, right? No, no you can’t because they will just report you to teachers and parents. And let’s be clear, since they are the bullies they probably care less about the consequences of getting into trouble than you do.

    And there’s worse. Bullies do not work alone. They function by garnering – often intimidating – the support of, well, pretty much everyone else. If you as the victim finally snap and use violence against the bully, chances are that all it will do is get you bullied more and by even more people. People don’t always get bullied because they are perceived as physically weak. They are bullied because the bully invents a justification for hurting someone, physically or otherwise. I was bullied for years, eventually snapped and made a bloody pulp out of one of the bullies. But the bullying just became worse after that because now everyone knew I had a button they could press. They knew they could goad me into performing entertaining violence. Do you think they scaled their bullying efforts up or down?

  4. says

    What an asshole. I was bullied, too… badly. And it made me suicidal for a couple years.

    Bullies don’t. Fucking. Stop.

    They just don’t. They keep going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going… and some keep going even after grade school and well into adulthood.

    Ignoring it doesn’t work. Fighting back doesn’t work. Involving adults and teachers doesn’t always work. In my experience, there is literally nothing you can do to get them to stop, because they aren’t going to stop. I had a friend who moved out of state, and then had to remove herself from Facebook (this is back when Facebook was mainly a school thing) because they just followed her on there, and one even tossed around moving up there just to continue bullying her.

    I didn’t escape the bullies until I got out of high school. And yes, I’m easy to make fun of. I know it. I’m not exactly a socially normal person, and I tend to make a lot of gaffes and mistakes that are easy to laugh at. The difference is, now the teasing is good-natured and not at all malicious, and I know that. I’ve learned to spot the difference quite easily, and I’ve learned to laugh at myself, so it honestly doesn’t bother me.

    But it wasn’t always like that.

    Unp0ssible is wrong, and heartless.

  5. latsot says

    it just means the bullies won.

    This is quite a telling phrase, isn’t it? I don’t think people who’ve been bullied would care about whether or not somebody won. They care about being left alone. They care about getting through a day without being constantly made to feel like shit. They want to feel they have someone they can talk to about the shit their lives has become who won’t gleefully report it to everyone else.

    The bullies have *already* won, the moment they start bullying you. Getting them to stop bullying you, if you can, isn’t actually ‘winning’

  6. MadHatter says

    As others have said, they don’t work alone. I was bullied into a fight with a girl (I know now she was bullied into it too) when I was 13. It was an excuse for a gang of kids to beat me up and then torment me for the next 3 years. Fighting back doesn’t work, ignoring it doesn’t work. The only thing that “worked” was never getting caught alone. And even that didn’t always help.

    I also doubt Unp0ssible was bullied or he’d know that.

  7. says

    It’s possible that Unp0ssible was the victim of a random one-off bully attack; perhaps someone who themselves was a victim of actual, sustained bullying and wanted to know what it felt like, and getting punched just scared them off even more.

    But I do seriously doubt Unp0ssible was ever the victim of sustained, targeted bullying. I don’t think xi could have been, based on xir’s comment.

  8. Brad says

    It was too late to affect the depression, but getting suspended for “fighting” (for some value of fighting that doesn’t require actually fighting, the other guy tried to punch me and I blocked) stopped my bullying. And it was the sustained, targeted kind before that.

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