Cosmopolitan magazine has been at the forefront of the finest of advice given to women for more than a decade.
Okay. Cosmo’s advice boils down to “Touch him on the Penis”. I couldn’t even be sarcastic about it.
But it’s given some “terrible” fucking advice. Advice on what to do if you cheat on your man (because it’s Cosmo and not for Lesbians)
Don’t Tell Him…
Your mother may have told you that honesty is the best policy, but in this case, many experts advise keeping your mouth shut. “If it really was just one indiscretion, don’t tell him,” says psychologist Marcella Bakur Weiner, PhD, author of Cheaters. “Although it might make you feel better, it will only hurt him and ruin the trust between you.”
From a relationship standpoint, if you cannot be honest in your relationship then you are living a lie. I personally don’t understand the drive or onus to cheat so I cannot comment on that…
Yes, be completely and utterly selfish! You have vindicated every single reason why men don’t trust women. Every single argument made by men who don’t trust women and are ridiculously possessive of them is held to be true if you are encouraging women who cheat to simply lie so as to spare us our man feelings. Not smart and not healthy. It’s just terrible advice.
…Or Anyone Else
Even if the guilt is killing you, let it be your burden to bear. And don’t tell other people either or you increase the possibility of his finding out.
You should also self flagellate with an actual whip. Remember it’s all in the wrist.
The point of telling “your bloke” that you cheated on him is so that you can have a healthy relationship. Take your licks, if it’s meant to be then you can salvage it.
The fact is that if you cheated on someone the person you are with isn’t the baddie. It is in their best interests to stop dating you. It may hurt leaving but frankly you have proven that you cannot be trusted. Sure you may say that “It won’t happen again” but the trust is dead and you will never re-create the same level of trust. This is just having your cake and eating it.
Examine Your MotivesWhen a woman cheats, even just once, there’s usually a problem in her relationship. “Women often stray if their sex lives are stagnant or they’re feeling neglected,” says Ruth Houston, author of Is He Cheating on You? “The other man fulfills something that her current guy isn’t giving her.”
People cheat for a variety of reasons. Boredom, Bad Decisions ™, Revenge, Spur of the Moment and Fancied Someone Else being some of them.
The point is you are unwilling to be honest to yourself and so examining your motives is an exercise in futility. Chances are you are going to lie to yourself and pretend the reasons for cheating were not as serious as they really are. Because the person taking this sort of advice seriously is the sort of person who is bad at introspection.
Ask for More
If you decide your love is worth salvaging, you have to fix the problem or the issues will fester. “Ask yourself why you did it,” advises Weiner. “Then let your boyfriend know what you need from him.” But still, do not confess.
Except it’s not salvaged. It’s necromancy. It looks alive and it may fool your other half but you know what’s wrong with it. You may even be in a relationship due to the guilt of cheating.
It’s impossible to have a honest relationship if you aren’t willing to be honest.
Cosmo gives terrible advice.
Be Honest With Yourself
Of course, the relationship could already be dead in the water. “You may just be too lazy or scared to address the issues,” Houston points out. Or you just want to see what else is out there before doing anything drastic. But do yourself (and your boyfriend) a favor: Cut the cord.
But honest with yourself. But not with others. Oh no no! The truth will not set you free.
You cannot use the stance of “Be Honest with Yourself” just a few points after “Lie So Hard that your Nose Puts his Eye Out”.
Say You’re Sorry
Even if you’ve covered your tracks, your man could discover your indiscretion. Assuming you still want to be with him, your best bet is to say how sorry you are, swear it’ll never happen again, and beg for his forgiveness. Now is not the time to get into the reasons why you did it. “Wait a couple weeks before airing your grievances,” says Weiner. “He needs time to process the betrayal without being confronted with the mistakes he’s made.”
Some women do cheat on men due to the mistakes those men make.
However if that’s the case you wouldn’t be sorry now would you?
And here is how I predict airing of grievances will go “I am not happy with x, y or z” to which the response will be “I am not happy with you shagging other blokes but if I can work around that you can deal with x, y and z”.
See, that’s what the problem is. You have made the mistake yet you are expecting him to somehow take the blame for you. Men aren’t goldfish. We remember what you do and if betrayed we too are equally capable of being sarcastic. I mean, how would you expect this to go? That somehow being cheated on will make men love you even more and do anything to keep you around?
Or that it will make them not trust you at all and then take any suggestion (no matter how valid) as completely inappropriate since you have effectively traded away the right to make complaints since your complaints are ALWAYS going to be a lot less worse than his counter argument.
Give Him Space
Being cheated on can do a number on a person’s self-esteem, so you have to stroke the poor boy’s ego. Regardless, he will be pissed and might need space. If so, leave him alone until, fingers crossed, he forgives you.
It’s not his EGO that’s the problem.
It’s his TRUST. I understand Cosmo lives in the world where you have to keep men entertained by playing with their penis but frankly Cosmo does a great disservice to women by making them think other women are skinny arseholes and making women think men are drooling idiots.
His ego has taken a lick, but you know what? All of his friends are not going to say “it was his fault”, they are going to say “that it was yours”. His ego is bruised but it will heal, after all he isn’t the one that’s fucked up. However what is broken is the trust.
The villain of this piece is the cheater.
Don’t take advice from Cosmopolitan Magazine. They are the stupids.