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Apr 22 2013

Sanguine Fallacies

Giving blood is one of the most important donations one can do in order to help other people. For millenia humans have understood that blood is important to vitality and life and naturally a lot of religion has placed “controls” on blood. Be it the various groups that practiced human sacrifice to Kosher law to the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Blood has been common in all of them and even symbolically such as the “faux blood offerings” of Kali and the red wine used to symbolise the blood of Christ.

Warning!

NSFW – Contains content with regard to blood and sex

So it comes with no surprise that an Israeli Rabbi has ruled on “blood”.

Basically? According to his “vast knowledge of medicine and physiology” he claims that Orthodox Jewish Men should not get blood from women, non-Orthodox Jews and non-Jews.

Why? Well apparently non-Orthodox Jews eat bugs and so their blood is impure. Because insects are a well know food source in Israel? And obviously man blood is different to woman blood! Mixing them? Why? That’s just silly!

He also thinks that eating bugs and meat from dead animals causes insanity which begs the question as to how he cooks his meat.

There is also some sort of bizarre notion that men cannot take blood from women and vice versa lest the blood be polluted through the transmission of magic anti-Jewish Cooties. These cooties are so anti-semitic that not only can they affect Orthodox Jewish blood through gloves but even if you give blood at the same time as a woman! The mere act of blood donation causes the transmission of these things from woman to man (and probably vice versa. Who knows!).

Question? Is there a range on this edict? So can blood transmission happen in the same hospital but separated by curtains? What about different rooms? If there are two hospitals side by side does it count if the two blood donation rooms are closer to each other than if they were on opposite sides of the same hospital? What is the minimum distance before it’s acceptable to take blood from women and men at the same time?

That being said? There is some common sense to this. While a man and a woman may not take blood from each other they can do so in a life or death situation only if the donor and taker are both married and not single. Because I often am deeply aroused by blood and women cannot resist it when I insert a needle so effortlessly into the cubital fossa. The red elixir of life gushes out as she flinches… Her hand is numb under the tourniquet but her heart throbs in her head as she lies there with a soft moan at the piercing of the needle. She squeezes the stress ball in her hand watching more blood flow out as she imagines my manhood violating her as my needle violated her arm. She smiles knowingly at the nurse who has seen this before. She closes her eyes in ecstasy as I pull the needle out, oblivious to the thoughts running through her mind. “Lie down for a bit and relax” I say as she tries to sit up. I leave the room as she settles back onto the bed, her eyes closed and a faint smile on her face as she revels in the euphoria and the rush of blood as she plays with the steth I left behind. I return a few minutes later with a souvenir of biscuits, Iron Folate tablets and mango juice, but as she leaves with a smile she knows that she will have a better souvenir that. “I will be back” she mouths silently to the closed door of the blood bank. After all, it’s just another 2 months till her next appointment. She smiles as she leaves, the high of good deeds and blood loss moving her along. Next time she will make move. Today’s a good day and after all, her blood type is her take on life. Always B+

These rules make donating blood hard and make receiving blood harder. When a person is sick we cannot look into dancing through the hoops needed to satisfy the arbitrary requirements as dictated by some guy who thinks there is some sort of major difference between Male and Female blood or there is a difference between different Jewish blood and/or between Gentile and Jew. Honestly? This just harms Orthodox Jews

Important!

If you think my attempt at erotic fiction (or should it be Fucktion?) is terrible and that I am only fit to write bodice rippers for Mills & Boone/ Harlequin then I suggest you go see how it’s “Really Done”. Greta Christina’s book on Erotic Fiction is a lot better than mine and is now out!

6 comments

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  1. 1
    brucegee1962

    It’s probably a good thing that these types of people consistently deny evolution, as they continually seem to be trying to find new ways to reduce their fitness and survivability.

  2. 2
    jimroberts

    Maybe unrestricted blood transfer would be OK if donor and recipient were encased in plastic bags? https://whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/stupid-religious-rule-11734-and-a-note-on-my-ancestry/

  3. 3
    Tsu Dho Nimh

    You could perhaps qualify for the Bulwer Lytton contest.

  4. 4
    Argle Bargle

    Yet another religious fanatic coming up with a new way to make his magical sky pixie happy by making up a convoluted rule based on “I pull this out of my rectum.”

  5. 5
    curcuminoid

    @Jimroberts: Yes, but only if there is a string around them http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-march-23-2011/the-thin-jew-line

  6. 6
    Hertzey

    You didn’t use a “Mary Sue”, so you’re already higher then most fan fiction.

  1. 7
    Some Nice Things Some People Have Said About “Bending,” Round 2 » Greta Christina's Blog

    [...] Avicenna, A Million Gods, Sanguine Fallacies: [...]

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