Erotic Manipulation Prong

Part two in today’s WND-a-thon is a comedy entrant from Joseph Farah. It’s comedy because his entire fear is based on a movie. A movie that me and Ed Brayton have discussed in length. Narrowly missing out the top spot of the worst action movie we know of.

Oh it is a remake, the original tapped into the fears and indeed the fantasy of fighting a war much like the Mujahadeen. Only blonder and more sexier.

That’s right. Joseph Farrah’s latest argument is based on a remake of an already cheesy movie.

Have you seen “Red Dawn”?

I don’t mean the old movie starring the late Patrick Swayze.

It was good. But I’m talking about the more recent version.

Yes. Red Dawn was cheesy and stupid in the 80s.

However the remake? It is the Greatest remake OF ALL TIME.

I hesitated watching it for a long time, mainly because I thought the producers of the movie sold out when they opted to substitute a North Korean invasion of the U.S. for what was originally planned as a more likely Chinese invasion.

Supposedly they did so because the Chinese movie market was too lucrative to pass up.

Which is true. Sadly for them, the movie was terrible. It had a fantastic plot that went out of it’s way to be as stupid as possible and as jingoistic as possible.

And yes, marketting your “game” or “movie” to insult 1.4 billion people is a terrible marketting plan. I understand I am one of those filthy socialists but something tells me “Chinese Bashing” isn’t a great marketting plan.

But still? 2/3rds of North Korea are starving. Claiming North Korea is going to Invade the USA is like claiming Somalia are going to do so.

But, having seen it recently, and having followed the news of recent weeks, I think the producers made the right choice.

The new “Red Dawn” is worth seeing as it comes to pay-per-view and video rental release.

It’s not a bad action movie.

It’s a terrible action movie. Listen. I live in India. They have ridiculous action movies that don’t even remotely have any grounding in reality and even I think Red Dawn is terrible. It’s so shockingly bad it’s worth playing as a drinking game.

Everytime the voice in your head goes ‘MERICA! You drink.

But, more than that, the tactic that facilitates a joint North Korean and Russian invasion of the U.S. is the one I would use if I were trying to take down the U.S. quickly and efficiently and inexpensively.

Or you know. If you were a certain 006 portrayed by a certain Sean Bean in a certain movie involving devilishly handsome british people being devilishly suave.

You know. A good action movie..

I won’t ruin the movie for you by telling you the invaders use what is described in the script as a “new weapon.”

It’s actually not new at all. It’s relatively old technology called an “electro-magnetic pulse.” The power of an EMP attack was first recognized during the Cold War era. It’s a power that has the potential to defeat overnight America’s strength – technology.

You mean where you explode a nuclear weapon in the atmosphere rather than say on the ground? Sure…

Except for the fact that North Korea lacks any such device and for the most part it means your laptops won’t work. Any device within a conductive container will work because of conductive containers generally acting as faraday cages. My physics friends explain an EMP as destroying electrical equipment by creating transient increases in Amperage. They do point out that this means that your house’s circuit breakers and fuses should protect most of your devices.

Also? America is pretty big. It’s going to take a lot of nukes to “defeat america’s technology”. Oh and even if it’s “wrecked” most tanks and aircraft usually come supplied with spare electronics or even hardened electronics and so can fight on despite such an environment.

I can’t believe I have to explain fantasy and reality to Joseph here. It’s like his wet dream of North Korean power. A country where 2/3 people are starving to death is somehow going to fire off a device of this sophistication using a missile that they don’t have?

And that’s exactly what happens in the new “Red Dawn.”

If I were the lunatic Kim Jong-un, it’s how I would use at least one of my nine nuclear weapons in taking down the U.S. – something he threatens to do on nearly a daily basis now.

If I were Kim Jong-Un, I would summon my grandfather’s magical unicorn to spirit me into battle where I shall defeat America single handedly through nothing through a martial art created during the 80s. Combining the discipline, timing and power of gymnastics with the explosive force of karate. I give you the greatest martial art a mountain of cocaine can create.

As F. Michael Maloof explains so adeptly in his new book, “A Nation Forsaken: EMP – The Escalating Threat of an American Catastrophe,” one nuclear bomb detonated at a high altitude near the geographic center of the U.S. could wipe out the power grid, fry electrical circuitry and basically send the nation back to a 19th century lifestyle.

Except the bits that would be destroyed would be any fuses because circuit breakers would trip. I mean an EMP is no different from the  Graphite Bomb (It drops long graphite filaments that short circuit electric wires). The wires remain functional and every usage of them has resulted in power being restored in 24 hours.

So it would be less 19th century lifestyle and more temporary inconvenience. Our actual stuff will still work since we will just use emergency backups. So unless you think North Korea can not only launch a missile that doesn’t exist with a device that doesn’t exist and detonate it using technology that it doesn’t possess then land it’s entire million man army using planes that don’t exist powered by fuel that doesn’t exist and then hold onto the USA with supplies that don’t exist against an army that’s “just as big”, better equipped and operating on a shorter supply line for no benefit what so ever then sure. This is a valid scenario to be worried about.

If that’s the case? Then I suggest hiring some Indians. We really know how destroy a helicopter. North Korea won’t stand a chance against our bad action movie skills.

That would make the U.S. easy pickings even for an enemy as seemingly hapless and backward as North Korea.

Again. My response?

Hire some Indians. Just look at this one guy tear his way through people armed with guns. And hell his escape is “so rad” that stuff explodes because it cannot handle the radness. As we all know, North Korea isn’t very rad. This shit would blow their minds enmasse…

And if you note? This man’s rampage was achieved despite in handcuffs using nothing more than parts of cars and a horse. This is a man who can kill two horses using his goddamn crotch on a steel pole. This is the sort of man Brock Sampson would be if he was Indian, liked pastel shirts, jaundice and butter.

Heck, even if no invasion force followed, an EMP attack would truly be catastrophic beyond anything the moviemakers envisioned. How bad would it be? Imagine a third or more of the country starving to death because of their dependence on technology that would be rendered useless.

Because their TV’s don’t work for a few hours? Because their fridges run out of power for a  day or two? You are right! A day without the microwave and America will starve to death and have to resort to cannibalism! And without Internet? Why! We will have to go outside!

That’s the story of “A Nation Forsaken.” And it’s not some fairy tale. It’s the smart move for any determined enemy of America – be it a terrorist group or a rogue state like Iran or North Korea. EMP is the great equalizer.

Yes dear. Now go to sleep. Here is your comfort AR 15. If that bad old Kim Jong Un comes to steal your stuff you can fight back against him. Yes the smart move for any determined enemy of the USA is to own a science fiction device. It’s also worth investing in a class 1 Hyperdrive, lightsabers and phasers.

It’s reason enough for Americans to become preppers.

Because you watched a shitty movie?

This is one looming calamity the American government seems determined not to avert, though it would be relatively cheap and easy to harden our infrastructure against such an attack.

You mean like living in buildings with electrical supplies that use fuses and circuit breakers? Or how all our airplanes and cars are faraday cages and would work despite the monstrous voltage and amperage fluctuations of lightning strikes.

The EMP device is just a temporary black out. We have weapons that do that for far cheaper and with less repercussions than using “An Atomic” and the benefit from them is temporary and demoralising. Against a country the size of the USA it’s pretty stupid.

It’s almost as if the politicians in Washington have a death wish for the nation.

Because, as the book reveals, America could fall victim to an EMP even without an enemy attack. This year and next the world is expected to face the harshest solar flares in recorded history. Potentially, those could have the same impact on America’s technology that a nuclear weapons detonated high in the altitude would have.

So I am confused. Can Kim Jong Un control the Sun? Is that his magical EMP device? I thought that was just North Korean bullshitting.

Yet most Americans remain oblivious. To them, nothing will ever change. Life as we have known it will continue forever. Nothing’s going to change their world.

I urge you to wake up.

Lay off the stilton before bed mate. It gives you some nutty dreams.


  1. Pierce R. Butler says

    It’s almost as if the politicians teabaggers in Washington have a death wish for the nation.

    Anything else I can fix for ya while I’m here, Joe?

    And where can I get one o’ them flying jeeps?

  2. jaytheostrich says

    Oh come on, like YOU wouldn’t invest in a hyperdrive, lightsaber, and/or phaser if you could!
    Or awesome Solar Control Beam technology!

  3. Corvus illustris says

    Yes dear. Now go to sleep. Here is your comfort AR 15. If that bad old Kim Jong Un comes to steal your stuff you can fight back against him.

    Oh please do not encourage more ‘Mur’c’ns to take their phallic-prosthesis artillery to bed with themselves. We already have enough problems with people shooting their nearest and dearest (or themselves) with the night-stand .45.

  4. says

    The EMP trope has been around for a while; it’s been conclusively debunked but there are a lot of people convinced of it, who are very hard to dislodge. I’ve had some tooth-grittingly frustrating discussions with a few of them online – they’re not just ignorant, they’re zealous in remaining so.

    One thing worth looking into is the Hardtack (Orange and Teak) nuclear test series. These were high-altitude nuclear tests in the late 50’s that were (among other things) intended to help understand EMP. It turns out that EMP just isn’t that big a problem. Atmospheric nuclear tests apparently make a loud “click” on radios, for those who still listen to them, and that’s mostly it.

    The EMP trope has been promoted by a bad novelist who wrote a shitty book called “One Second After” in which bad guys collapse the US by launching a secretly manufactured, unattributed nuke, that collapses the US’ electronics. One big problem with that theory is that it’s currently impossible to build an unattributable nuke. The science of nuclear forensics is very advanced – to the point where an analyst can tell the yield (and therefore the design) of a bomb based on its signature collected by VELA satellites’ bhangmeters. It’s even possible to tell how plutonium of HEU was refined and, consequently, the specific centrifuge cascades used and what reactor the plutonium was bred in. Unless there is a tremendous amount of proliferation in the future (unlikely due to the insane expense) it is extremely unlikely that there will be an unattributable nuke.

  5. keresthanatos says

    Citations please on the debunking of EMP effects. I would be most intrested in this as I have a very good friend, that just retired from service and was involved for most of his career in studying and weponizing EMP. Did a lot of research and spent a good deal of time in southern AZ near the Mexican border and the White Mountian range.

  6. Didaktylos says

    Kim Jong-Un has no need to control the Sun himself – but he might have trouble raising the cash to meet Murdoch’s fee …

  7. Jon M says

    EMP Clarification: EMP will generate electrical current in any conductive material it encounters. Household circut breakers may protect you from spikes generated in the external power supply grid (which could be VERY large), but the EMP will still induce spikes in the devices it hits insde the home, even ones not plugged in.

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