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Mar 05 2013

What Are You Thinking?

Boys will be boys.

That’s what we say when we get up to hi-jinks and shenanigans. And my youth was filled with such shenanigans. Everything from beer laden break ins into a girl’s dormitory to chat up young ladies who smiled at us to epic drinking sessions. But that’s youth and I kind of have mellowed out (really mellowed out… celibacy for 5 years and only 3 weeks of contact with alcohol that doesn’t blind you).

I was “having fun”. In retrospect it was a lot of fun being silly as a teenager.

However there are some people who never think about their actions. I mean “really inappropriate behaviour”.

Do men (and let’s be honest? It’s mainly men. Although there is a rising number of ladies who have started doing this in response…) think that grabbing a random passing arse would result in a positive response? I mean the only way I can see that working is if the woman knew you and this was cheeky flirting that both of you appreciated. At no point have I ever heard the response to such inappropriate behaviour as “Yes, Let’s Go Fuck”.

Is it power? I mean there are so many chances for that to backfire particularly in the west. In India perhaps the mob may weigh in on the man’s side (If you dressed better he wouldn’t touch you up!) but in the UK?

Is it the thrill of escape? Like the thrill of the kleptomaniac’s theft? Is it a compulsion and therefore uncontrolled?

Or is it just plain stupid attention seeking? Are people giving you a positive feedback which encourages this? Of course they probably are. But they aren’t supporting you. They are laughing at you as well.

So which goes back to the question to those who act like this… Just what are you thinking when you do that?

7 comments

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  1. 1
    TGAP Dad

    I must lead a sheltered life, here in the upper Midwest of the U.S. I ass-grabbing (which somehow doesn’t qualify as sexual assault) a common thing in other parts of the world?

  2. 2
    machintelligence

    It may be a problem with impulse control, which improves with age. For teenagers it’s usually “Ready, Fire, Aim.” Followed by “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

  3. 3
    smrnda

    Ass grabbing often occurs in crowded places where it would be difficult to identify the ass-grabber. I have heard this is the motivation for women only train cars and buses in some countries, thought it does not seem to have been successful at eliminating it.

  4. 4
    MadHatter

    Or if you happen to work as waitstaff in a bar or restaurant. Bars are worse of course. And that’s not usually teenagers for obvious reasons.

  5. 5
    Marcus Ranum

    I have heard this is the motivation for women only train cars and buses in some countries, thought it does not seem to have been successful at eliminating it.

    In some places, it has become fetishized. In Japan it’s called “chikan densha” and there are subway-themed clubs that cater to gropers.

  6. 6
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    I must lead a sheltered life, here in the upper Midwest of the U.S. I ass-grabbing (which somehow doesn’t qualify as sexual assault) a common thing in other parts of the world?

    Yes.
    I had my ass grabbed in 4 different countries on 2 continents.One time by a guy on a bicicle who drove past me. Sadly I was too stunned to hit him with my bag. My (female) friend’s response?
    “You are wearing a skirt”.
    And recently an Austrian judge ruled that a man who grabbed a woman’s ass (and he even asked before grabbing and she said no and he went ahead anyway) ruled that it ain’t sexual assault because the ass ain’t a sexual organ. Apparently butt-sex doesn’t exist.

    As for the “boys will be boys”: That’s exactly the problem. Boys get taught from a young age onwards that they don’t have to control their impulses. And no, sorry, age, hormones, being a teenager is no excuse. Because although they have shitty risk evaluation, engaging in sexual assault isn’t an unchangeable fact of youth. And quite frankly, many of the guys who groped me were ell past the teenage-stage.
    But boys get excused, especially when crossing the boundaries of girls. A boy who pulls a girl’s piggy-tails gets excused and she gets told to wear her hair differently so the boys won’t tease her. And when they grow up the boys grope her ass and she gets told not to wear a skirt. Because boys will be boys and they somehow can’t control their hands. Seriously, if I believed that about boys and men we should keep them seperate like we do with the lions in the zoo.

    Ultimately, that hurts not only girls and women (and the smaller boys who get the bullying), it hurts men, too. Because while your friends, male and female, might excuse you sending pictures of your penis to a co-worker, HR will most likely not and you get fired. And then the boy-man feels terribly wronged and unfairly treated because how could he know that his perfectly normal “boys will be boys” behaviour might get him fired?

  7. 7
    otranreg

    celibacy for 5 years and only 3 weeks of contact with alcohol that doesn’t blind you

    Lightweight.

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