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Feb 28 2013

Piano Black – Growth

It’s amazing to see how things grow overtime. We see plants grow, we see babies grow, one can even see the day “grow” into the night and the night grow into day but what about when the growth is mental and internal rather than physical and external?

I am pretty sure this is what I am going through right now. It all began with me taking a GT Mentorship class at my school. Without Mentorship, I would never have had to challenge my convictions that were so firmly planted in my head. In the class, I was required to write a number of papers (Family history, Personal philosophy, Personal strategy  paper just to name a few). As I was writing these papers, I discovered that I wasn’t writing for a grade or for the class, I was writing for myself.

To answer those loaded questions courageously, was a feat in itself. Why? Well, I felt that I must answer these questions the only way I knew how to answer any question; colorfully candid. For the first semester of my high-school career as a senior, I wrote my little heart out. I wrote everything I knew about my past, present and what I hoped to be in my future. The life that I came to live, and the love I came to give was now all on paper, all the words I couldn’t say. After writing, you would think I know everything there is to know about myself and all of this baggage, but I don’t think it works like that. In fact, I latched on to how much I did not know myself as much as I would like to think I did. I let go of all the baggage that was crowding my space by writing my little stories. Writing my stories, I felt like I was breathing new life into my ideas..

How exciting right? I’d like to think so. I’ve flourished as an individual because I have hope in myself and in society. Now moving onto the second semester of my GT Mentorship class we are required to do a project, it could be on any level of difficulty. As long as it is something that the person or group wants to do it. Taking GT Mentorship as well as doing this project really took a hold on me. Like I was a part of something much bigger than myself. To know that I am every little piece of society and society is every little piece of me. It is exhilarating really. I always thought of myself as the type of person who was not willing to do anything unless I knew exactly what the end result would be.

Way to play it safe huh? That’s when reality sets in, and I grasped the concept of “hey, maybe I shouldn’t be so worried about the end result, I should just see what happens.” That symbolized a growth of intellect to me. It gets so thrilling, busting my brains for the world. With each draft, each post, each journal entry, I am giving a little piece of my heart.  It’s fascinating really, doing all of this, knowing there’s so much to lose.

- Piano Black

2 comments

  1. 1
    hexidecima

    Excellent essay and inspiring. I’m 46 and I am finally getting myself out of the mindset you described, where I needed to know what the end result will be (heck, I read the last few pages of books before I’ll consider reading them…sigh). I’m leaving a very boring but comfortable job and taking my chances. Congratulations for getting more of a clue than I did so much earlier.

  2. 2
    Thorne

    I have a hard time believing that a high school student would have any realistic concept of “taking chances”. Hell, when I was in high school, I didn’t have a very realistic concept of the future! Anything past graduation was, as far as I was concerned, unimaginable.

    And i find it hard to understand how anyone can honestly write about themselves in that way. We sometimes had those kinds of self-examination essays in school. As far as I can remember, everything I wrote was BS, putting down what I thought the teacher wanted to hear. As far as I know, everyone did that. That’s how you got good grades.

    As for dreams of my future? I never understood the point. Oh, I sometimes thought about doing this, or going there, wondering what that might be like. But I didn’t, couldn’t, let my whole life revolve around dreams. I got jobs I thought I would like. If I didn’t like them I found something else. Sure, I took chances: got married, had kids, moved to a new state with no real job prospects. But none of this required any deep introspection, or dreams. And it certainly didn’t involve revealing my innermost thoughts to strangers. Family History? None of their business. Personal Philosophy? It’s personal! Personal Strategy? Hell, I was 17! Who does strategy?

    But one thing I’ve learned in my 62 years is that things change, and no two people are exactly alike. In an era when personal privacy is a joke, when people will post the most intimate details of their life on the internet, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that someone could do the same for class in school. I sure as hell don’t understand it, though.

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