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So Sorry

I have been made aware that both me and Taslima have both been doing something wrong.

You see, when we spoke out against rape and when I covered the ways that Indian culture failed with regards to rape I made a horrible mistake.

I forgot to delineate between the men who rape and the men who do not. I also forgot to delineate between men in different parts of the world who rape because the American Football (Handegg) Rape and the subsequent support for the rapists is clearly due to different American Issues than the horrific Indian Rape. I forgot to delineate between these horrible monsters and the nice guys and a few people have decided to tell me so in often very irate ways. I have seen the error of my ways and I am sure Taslima will too. I also know that principles don’t feed children so I am willing to trade on mine and make an apology.

I am Sorry.

I am sorry we didn’t specifically remove the Nice Guys from the set of men who are involved in a culture which clearly is designed to denigrate, harass, rape or otherwise interfere with other people in a sexual manner, the vast majority of these people have the double XX chromosome. From henceforth please automatically remove yourselves from the sets we are discussing if the set does not pertain to them.

I am sorry we implied that all men you know are potential rapists, I am afraid we forgot that they are nice men who are incapable of such villainous behaviour. In addition I am in particular sorry that I applied a non-western ideology being a British Indian and I will speak to Taslima so that she stops writing things from her viewpoint as a Subcontinental living in India so that she conforms to the atheist norm of Judeo-Christian American issues. We will stop writing as atheists of colour… sorry… COLOR and remove any such influences such as our race, old faiths and culture from our writing.

I am sorry I wrote about protests that were happening around me. I am sorry I wrote about the rapes. These were clearly done to generate traffic so as to con people into paying for my Fabergé egg and vintage pornography addictions  (However! If you would like to sponsor my Faberge egg and vintage pornography addiction or my ongoing quest to get in order of importance… a faster flight back home in May for my yearly holiday so I can spend 2 more days with Tiga, a New Laptop and a New Camera; then the paypal link is on the Left… Not the Right…). I am sorry that I said that I was reporting on potentially dangerous situations because I was genuinely saddened and angered by the tragic death of a woman to a planned and malicious assault on her, compounded by the nature of Indian culture’s attitude to shame, honour and chastity along with the gross incompetence of the police in hand. From henceforth I will only write recipes, fashion tips (shave your head if you want to look like Avi… Streamlined!) and about gruesome and lurid medical procedures (Did you know there is a type of x-ray taken during defaecation? That’s at least good for a couple of dozen readers being put off their food…) that will drive away all my readers.

I apologise if any further writing offends you but I urge you to follow the lead of my readers and think carefully about what you do and why you are offended by what I say. Using the vast powers of the human brain to realise that the material isn’t aimed specifically at you and any other men you may know who aren’t involved in such a culture may seem like a chore but it is really important to utilise the skill of discernment. We apologise in advance for making you utilise your valuable ATP for such a process instead of say “Cancer Research”. We are sorry we alienated men by doing this. I will happily give any such insulted man a Rupee (You can be just like Link!) if we are to meet in real life.

The next time we write about rape or female genital mutilation or sexual harassment we will try to think of the men, if we don’t mention it we are still thinking about them and hope that you will understand that we are utilising an open concept. If you send us the names of men you know who don’t fit the set we are discussing we will strike their names off from the big book of hating  (Mine is personally sponsored by Haterade! Remember! If you must hate then quench your thirst with Haterade! The Electrolyte Balance replenishes your hatred so you may hate things up to 30% Longer!) that we all are issued with.

We hope you will accept this humblest of apologies from me (and probably Taslima) to all the nice men who cannot pathologically do anything bad.

Yours Sincerely

Avicenna (the) Last

(P.S – Sorry!)

Comments

  1. says

    I was thinking something that says “Discernment” and “Badass” at the same time. A pair of armoured greaves would make rush hour on Indian transit very interesting. I can tap dance myself some breathing room with those…

  2. hjhornbeck says

    We apologise in advance for making you utilise the extra ATP for such a process.

    Actually, the brain seems to consume at a constant rate, no matter how much you think. It’s this sort of distortion that reveals FtB to be a collection of sorry hating wankers who’d never apologize for anything. I’m going to Tweet this back at you and everyone who follows you for the rest of their lives, to demonstrate how petty and vindictive you can be. Thankfully some of us are real skeptics, and know the proper way to ad hominem and straw-person.

     

    [did I catch them all?]

  3. brucemartin says

    Here is the comment I put on the PayPal donation I just submitted:

    Dear Avi, Thanks for the funny blog post with all of the apologies. The only correction is that FTB has changed the layout, so that the donate button is now on the left instead of the right. I am afraid that many of the recipients of your apologies might be unable to locate it now. Best wishes,
    Bruce

  4. says

    In the spirit of apologies, I’ll offer my own. I am so incredibly sorry that I’m not nicer to all those nice guys who just know that discussing trends in misogyny is secretly an insult on their character, and demand that I exclude them from discussion.

    I shall flog myself with wet noodles, presently.

    And this post is quite fine.

  5. sheila says

    I too am incredibly sorry. I am so sorry that you entirely failed to see that people to are the centre of the universe would naturally assume that you are talking about them unless you expressly state otherwise. It’s so blinding obvious that their’s is the only point of view that matters, I really can’t see how you would neglect this.

  6. StevoR, fallible human being says

    Don’t be sorry.

    Its a sorry world.

    If you think you have to say “sorry”

    For such a sorry situation.

    And a world so full of shit.

    That we hear about every day.

    I’m sorry to live in it, almost.

    But it beats the alternatives.

    Do the best you can do.

    Be the best you can be.

    Learn, understand, listen and try to be kind.

    What else can you do do?

    You have much less to apologise for than I do.

    Probably.

    If that’s any consolation .. ?

  7. PatrickG says

    Oof, not enough coffee. I made it to the second paragraph thinking this was sincere. On the other hand, I didn’t put enough sarcasm in my coffee to get me through the day, so thanks for that.

    Great post, just to be clear. I’m not sure if the previous conveyed that. More coffee now…

  8. MikeMa says

    Very well sorry’d. Those really nice Ohio boys will no doubt accept the apologies when their sorry asses get out of jail. In 20 years I hope.

  9. A Hermit says

    Well OK then, as long as you’ve realized that what’s really important in any discussion of rape is men’s feelings…O-o

    Seriously, keep up the good work.

  10. says

    I’d say you shouldn’t have to apologize, you’re merely human, but I discovered the last time I called a group of people “mere humans” I was strawmanning while negating every great thing they achieved. So, I’m sorry.

  11. kevinalexander says

    …Those really nice Ohio boys will no doubt accept the apologies when their sorry asses get out of jail…

    Those nice Ohio boys are not going to jail. It’s not their fault that they got seduced by that slut. And she was a slut. She probably doesn’t even remember how many guys she had that night.

    In her dreams. She was unconscious, right?

  12. badgersdaughter says

    I don’t want to have to live in fear and hide myself because I must think of every man as a potential rapist. My grandmother thinks that way; she believes everyone’s her enemy, out to take her money, and it has poisoned her entire life. Seriously, rape is disgusting, horrible, and violent; I’ve been raped; I certainly don’t want anyone ever to be raped ever again; I think rapists are scum. I do absolutely believe everyone is capable of horrific acts. I can understand that, academically, all men who aren’t actually comatose are capable of raping. But I can’t afford to think or act like everyone is thinking of raping me, and I can’t afford to let that sort of mistrust enter my relationship with my husband without damn good evidence based on his own actions. I guess I don’t understand.

  13. says

    I had to have this discussion with some friends recently. Any man that doesn’t speak out on these issues is complicit in them. Cultural change starts with one person speaking up, then two more, then 4, etc. They could not understand why I was taking the position “quit telling women to stop rapists and start telling rapists to stop raping.” As far as a lot of people are concerned around me, victims are always responsible for preventing other people from doing things to them. I’m over simplifying their position, but they don’t like hearing it reduced to that, because they are effectively victim blaming.
    So I’m loud and obnoxious any time I hear or see someone mention “what were they thinking doing X in Y circumstances?”

  14. Zack says

    I was getting tired of seeing a lot of blog posts on FtB and Skepchick that lump all men together with rapists and misogynists. I’m glad to see this being addressed, Apology accepted. Carry on.

  15. left0ver1under says

    Unfortunately, the sarcasm in that post will go right over the heads of those it was aimed at (i.e. MRAs).

    It will go over their heads because their minds are in the gutter.

  16. says

    left0ver1under: They seem to be chronically deficient and understanding subtext, don’t they.

    badgersdaughter: Good for you that you like and have been safe with the men around you, but your experience does not invalidate societal trends and the information gathered on those trends. You just happen to be (incredibly) lucky, if DoJ statistics are to be believed. Your male friends don’t need your protection; and neither do men who are trying and/or doing the right thing. As for why I’d say this, people at Pharyngula (myself included) have put together a list of studies and the statistics tutorials to allow laypersons to read them.

    You might wish the start there, with the Social Justice and Feminism link round up.

  17. says

    badgersdaughter:

    But I can’t afford to think or act like everyone is thinking of raping me, and I can’t afford to let that sort of mistrust enter my relationship with my husband without damn good evidence based on his own actions. I guess I don’t understand.

    Indeed you don’t. The idea is that they are potential rapists, not actual ones. i.e. You do not assume that they are rapists, you assume that you do not know until you have good evidence either way, and even then it is always subject to revision given new evidence (like scientific hypotheses).

    It doesn’t mean that you distrust from the outset but it means that you do not give undue trust, and trust should be earned (except maybe a small amount on first meeting to get things started).

    It’s not paranoia but it’s not the gullibility that people misunderstanding (or strawmanning) Shrodinger’s rapist appear to advocate. It’s a shade of grey (and a degree of trust) inbetween. Trust should be balanced between the amount you have for a given person (given past behaviour) and how much trust a given situation demands in said person.

    If I go in a bank wearing a motorcycle helmet and loose jacket the bank is perfectly in its right to consider me a potential bank robber. If I had gone in the same bank with tighter clothes that could not conceal a weapon and without something covering my features they would still be in their right to consider me a potential bank robber, though the potential would be much lesser (or do you think bank security never looks at people unless they are obviously bank robbers?) as the situation (due to my behaviour) is different.

    If I ask out a woman I don’t know in an isolated situation (say, middle of the night in a confined space) then she is in her right to consider me a potential rapist. If I ask her out in an open space with plenty of people around then the potential of me being a rapist is much lesser as she can easily go away (open space) and does not have to fear my reaction as much (public scrutiny) (Of course chatting up first to guauge interest would be advisable too).

    Saying that women shouldn’t treat men as potential rapists means that they shouldn’t feel anxious in the former situation, which seems unreasonable to me.

    And yes, it’s not my fault that I’m a potential rapist, it’s all rapists’ fault. But it’s not her fault that I’m a potential rapist either, it’s still all rapists’ fault. however the risk is much greater for her (rape and/or death) than for me (rejection) to not take heed of situations that make such approach inadvisable.

    Also, I’m really sorry that you’ve been raped and happy that it didn’t prevent you from forming a trusting relationship with your husband.

  18. says

    I’m so sorry that you didn’t provide a link to the carnage:
    http://freethoughtblogs.com/amilliongods/2012/12/29/its-no-longer-just-rape-its-also-murder/comment-page-1/#comments

    Thanks for apology, I feel vindicated now. Your article here today confirms your dedication to healing the gulf that has alienated and vilified teh menz, and us undeserving closet rapists:

    Definition:

    “Radical feminism is a philosophy emphasizing the patriarchal roots of inequality between men and women, or, more specifically, social dominance of women by men. Radical feminism views patriarchy as dividing rights, privileges and power primarily by gender, and as a result oppressing women and privileging men.

    Radical feminists tend to be more militant in their approach (radical as “getting to the root”). Radical feminism opposes existing political and social organization in general because it is inherently tied to patriarchy. Thus, radical feminists tend to be skeptical of political action within the current system, and instead support cultural change that undermines patriarchy and associated hierarchical structures.

    Radical feminism opposes patriarchy, not men. To equate radical feminism to man-hating is to assume that patriarchy and men are inseparable, philosophically and politically.”

    Thanks for apologizing and clearing things up

  19. says

    I was getting tired of seeing a lot of blog posts on FtB and Skepchick that lump all men together with rapists and misogynists. I’m glad to see this being addressed, Apology accepted. Carry on.

    Juxtaposed against

    Unfortunately, the sarcasm in that post will go right over the heads of those it was aimed at (i.e. MRAs).

    It will go over their heads because their minds are in the gutter.

    ROFL!

  20. says

    Really now, Mikmik, surely you can’t be taking this as a sincere apology. You seemed a tad more intelligent than that.

    Hey, hey, Mikmik, are you ready? I’m about to use some hate speech at you, with the express intention of making you feel unwelcome:

    “ALL MEN ARE POTENTIAL RAPISTS.”

    See, I don’t think that statement is particularly useful, because its truth is trivial; all people are, theoretically speaking, potential rapists, just as all people are potential killers, potential saviors, potential whatevers (at least until they are dead, eh?).

    But, since it makes you flip your ignorant shit, it’s worth saying one more time.

    Now show us how unwelcome it makes you feel by dropping a 1,000-word turd in the middle of the carpet. Because I know that’s what I always do when I feel unwelcome; I don’t leave the party, rather, I stick around and harangue people until they agree to be nicer to me. Works every time! As I’m sure you can attest.

  21. Crunchy Renee says

    I’m sorry that I don’t worry about the relatively few, and minor, concerns of men, when talking about how to fix what’s wrong with how women are treated. Making sure men are privileged in every single way should take precedence over dealing with basic issues of physical and sexual safety of women.

  22. says

    Really now, Mikmik, surely you can’t be taking this as a sincere apology. You seemed a tad more intelligent than that.

    Maybe you better read my response again.

    Hey, hey, Mikmik, are you ready? I’m about to use some hate speech at you, with the express intention of making you feel unwelcome:

    “ALL MEN ARE POTENTIAL RAPISTS.”

    Whatever. This is how far I read before I knew it was scorn.

    See, I don’t think that statement is particularly useful, because its truth is trivial; all people are, theoretically speaking, potential rapists, just as all people are potential killers, potential saviors, potential whatevers (at least until they are dead, eh

    All women are potential sluts, potential baby killers, and potential dolts. I consider it trivial, so I never would ever thing of saying it, because I never think that way, and besides, what would be the point? Yet teh womenz repeat it ad nauseum as if they are fucking obsessed with the idea.
    You really trying to tell people you are a skeptic? Really? Aha ha ha.

    I know I’m getting to you, very successfully.
    You know how I can tell? Because you never refute what I say, you just slather on the insults, put downs, character assassination, copious amounts of ad hominum, and idiot reasoning that would make a first year philosophy student blush. Of course I have no idea if that is true, but hey, I am just presenting a fantasy because I an biased, and I think all philosophy students are capable of recognizing psychological defenses that are not based on any particular logic. It’s like gun freaks that fantasize about how flawlessly they could defend their home if some thugs decide to invade and pillage while teh well armed heroes are at home.
    See, they create stories that are shown to be wrong, and virtually never needed,l but it is an appeal to emotions.
    I guess I am just wasting my breathe here, Sally, whom I still think is incredibly smart, but emotionally damaged that you feel some need to insult me with obvious loathing, but that is all that you do.

    That is teh womenz MO, and the only refutation that you are all capable of, because this how you handle anyone that does agree with you.
    You tells us what we are really up to, you tell us that we don’t get it, you minimize anything one of you says. You say either it was just an ofhand remark, or that it wasn;t meant that way, or teh menz are, teh MRA’s are at it again trying to subjugate women.
    You never, ever NEVER say “Oops. I’m sorry, I didn’t know it would bother you, but at the least, I can listen to your feelings on the matter because I shouldn’t discount anyone that disagrees with me.”

    I don’t think I have ever seen much of that at all, if ever.
    I invite everyone to watch every single response to a disagreeing with their approach, because you womenz are incapable of ever, in a billion elebenty zillion years, of not perceiving any disagreement as an attack on your plight.
    I would add that you are so fucking biased that every word spoken that doesn’t parrot your line of paranoia, is confirmation that the speaker is a fucking creep. That is confirmation enough right there, in you eyes, of misogyny at work. Any word in disagreement. Any and every time. Teh manz is making excuses, the pour tender soul, snicker, snicker. Look at that, we are hitting a nerve, you like to titter amongst yourselves.

    In fact, you will react that way to me yet again. You are incapable of admitting, even to yourselves individually, that you are not only capable of acting in an ignorant manner, one that you automatically assume that I am doing, or any one else, that voices a contrary opinion to you.

    You are emotionally incapable of not doing so, because that would be admitting that you are acting exactly like teh MRA that you belittle, at the most minor slip of their tongue, because they are NRA, which you have confirmed by the fact that anyone that voices their own opinion, and is a man, is a member of.
    You spew third rate psych evals, that show little understanding. oh yeah, I would never let a woman babysit my kids because all women are potentially capable of microwaving their own baby, or others in their care. I mean, you never know, do you. All you women, you too, Sally, scare me when you are around children, because you never know. I don’t like you having your own children in your care, because, as we have seen demonstrated over and over again, that it happens all too frequently, to be anything but proof of what your all are capable of.
    I can’t stress that enough, and I should really start mentioning that much more often. Let’s see if Sally is as quick as she thinks I am slow.

    So, I have hypothesized that you will insult me again right away hear, or you will say that I am not worth bothering about, or that I am s pour wittow menz baby, or that ‘there he goes babbling nonsense again for paragraphs on end.

    You will never accept that your repeated claims that all menz are potential rapists, very soon after the discussion turns to a violent rape, because not only isn’t it true, Sally, that I feel slighted, and intentionally alienated when you continue to do that.

    You would never give me the tiniest iota of respect, as a human being, because to listen would be to admit that all women are potentially ,am haters, and you might have to concede to the possibility that you are acting a little overboard yourselves.

    Most of you will also jump on the band wagon and cheer each other on, therefore prooving your loyalty to the cause, lest you are next to be accused of supporting rape. It is alo impossible to consider that you may be bullies, because that is how men silence women, and you could never conceive of being one. That would be hy·poc·ri·sy!

    I know I’m getting to you, very much so, because Avicenna decided to dedicate a post exclusively dedicated to belittling us men, and some women too.

    Someone might read the comments sections and see that it is true that you act like petulant little fucks. Oh, there I go getting all defensive and stupid again, because of course you would never act in so unprofessional a manner.

    I must be off my rocker, because I CAN’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT! LOOK, SEE?*

    * I can explain what I am doing here, if someone doesn’t get the meaning, or the other times you think I am a raving lunatic and don’t make shred of sense.

    I can’t wait for the book, Aviccena**

    ** That one is easy, although I will be told, much to my surprise, that no matter how you look at what I wrote there, that it DOES NOT MAKE SENSE, even after I explain it. But of course you will. It is one of your inevitable responses, to the point that it is getting very boring. See I wasn’t going to tell you, and just keep baiting you to see many times I could get you all to respond the same old way, in a row.
    Now don’t take this the wrong way, but all womenz are capable of being pathological liars, and it is important that I consider that fact. Have you seen how many women have conned men of their fortunes by pretending to love them? We live in a con artist society, because of course it is the mans fault ninety percent of the time a relationship fails, where there is a custody, or financial battle.

    I will remember to think that all men are potential rapists, and some must have forgot to be so. I guess all women are capable of falsely accusing men of rape, just to cover themselves for acting like a slut.
    Of course, if anyone automatically assumed that is what happens all the time, because hey, it happened to a friend, I would fuck them up, verbally, because that’s some shit I won’t ever put up with. Because I would be so abhorred , like most men, that if there was a gang rape going on, I wouldn’t be able to get a hard on. And if it was dangerous for us not to not participate, lest we be accused of blasphemy, I would still get out of the situation, somehow, because someone always does. Of course that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t come after me, just like some of you fear will happen if you don’t tow the party line. Oh, I guess I should add that I don’t mean that literally, but disagree enough times, and you are a MRA sympathizer.

  23. Nepenthe says

    Okay mikmik. You are a special snowflake and not included any any discussions of men abusing women. You’re a great guy. Good for you. Here are a few cookies and a medal engraved with “Not a Rapist”.

    Happy?

  24. says

    So, I have hypothesized that you will insult me again right away hear, or you will say that I am not worth bothering about, or that I am s pour wittow menz baby, or that ‘there he goes babbling nonsense again for paragraphs on end

    In fact, you will react that way to me yet again. You are incapable of admitting, even to yourselves individually, that you are not only capable of acting in an ignorant manner, one that you automatically assume that I am doing, or any one else, that voices a contrary opinion to you.

    Didn’t take long, did it? Batting a thousand. And for the record, Avicenne, I wasn’t one of the people that disagreed with It was the women commenters that I was criticizing. I understood what bTaslima meant

    I have been made aware that both me and Taslima have both been doing something wrong.

    You see, when we spoke out against rape and when I covered the ways that Indian culture failed with regards to rape I made a horrible mistake.

    I forgot to delineate between the men who rape and the men who do not. I also forgot to delineate between men in different parts of the world who rape because the American Football (Handegg) Rape and the subsequent support for the rapists is clearly due to different American Issues than the horrific Indian Rape. I forgot to delineate between these horrible monsters and the nice guys and a few people have decided to tell me so in often very irate ways. I have seen the error of my ways and I am sure Taslima will too. I also know that principles don’t feed children so I am willing to trade on mine and make an apology.

    Never thinking for a second that that is one of the first things that gets bought up in the discussions by the women, and when I disagree with that practice, I, and others, get mocked.

    That is what pisses myself and the others off, that you can’t let it go, that you are promoting a slander against us, a blatant untruth, and maybe you can give the fucking slightest consideration for how many people feel the same way, and express diagreement with that practice.

    How about it. Anyone care to explain why you repeatedly say ‘all men are potential rapists? I fucking it explained six ways from Tuesday, and lo and behold, Avicenne makes a fucking HUGE deal out of it, by mocking our requests and explanations, which are not mocking at first.

    What the holy fuck is the fucking problem? You despise us that much? Get a fucking grip.

  25. says

    Cough…

    *I am pretty open about comments compared to the other people here but even I have my limits. You are approaching them Mik as are the people who are goading you. Now Shake Hands. Consider this a warning.*

    Also? Mik you aren’t thinking properly. All men are potential rapists just like all women are potential gold diggers. Just as it’s sensible to sign a pre-nup even if you love someone… it’s also sensible for women to be wary around men until they trust them.

    *Comment Guidelines 101 – If you are mad about something, leave chair, go do something else then review post before hitting Submit*

  26. badgersdaughter says

    Julien, thank you so much for your patient reply. I’m trying to understand. I think the situation breaks down when someone trusted is the rapist, as it was in my case. I did have trust issues after that until I learned to trust people normally again, and maybe I still have some work to do.

  27. says

    I’m trying to understand. I think the situation breaks down when someone trusted is the rapist, as it was in my case.

    Yes, it is not a perfect solution, but no solution other than people stopping to rape would be perfect. It does point out that shrodinger’s rapist is not excessive though as even when you know the person (or think you do) there is still a risk.

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