I have been made aware that both me and Taslima have both been doing something wrong.
You see, when we spoke out against rape and when I covered the ways that Indian culture failed with regards to rape I made a horrible mistake.
I forgot to delineate between the men who rape and the men who do not. I also forgot to delineate between men in different parts of the world who rape because the American Football (Handegg) Rape and the subsequent support for the rapists is clearly due to different American Issues than the horrific Indian Rape. I forgot to delineate between these horrible monsters and the nice guys and a few people have decided to tell me so in often very irate ways. I have seen the error of my ways and I am sure Taslima will too. I also know that principles don’t feed children so I am willing to trade on mine and make an apology.
I am Sorry.
I am sorry we didn’t specifically remove the Nice Guys from the set of men who are involved in a culture which clearly is designed to denigrate, harass, rape or otherwise interfere with other people in a sexual manner, the vast majority of these people have the double XX chromosome. From henceforth please automatically remove yourselves from the sets we are discussing if the set does not pertain to them.
I am sorry we implied that all men you know are potential rapists, I am afraid we forgot that they are nice men who are incapable of such villainous behaviour. In addition I am in particular sorry that I applied a non-western ideology being a British Indian and I will speak to Taslima so that she stops writing things from her viewpoint as a Subcontinental living in India so that she conforms to the atheist norm of Judeo-Christian American issues. We will stop writing as atheists of colour… sorry… COLOR and remove any such influences such as our race, old faiths and culture from our writing.
I am sorry I wrote about protests that were happening around me. I am sorry I wrote about the rapes. These were clearly done to generate traffic so as to con people into paying for my Fabergé egg and vintage pornography addictions (However! If you would like to sponsor my Faberge egg and vintage pornography addiction or my ongoing quest to get in order of importance… a faster flight back home in May for my yearly holiday so I can spend 2 more days with Tiga, a New Laptop and a New Camera; then the paypal link is on the Left… Not the Right…). I am sorry that I said that I was reporting on potentially dangerous situations because I was genuinely saddened and angered by the tragic death of a woman to a planned and malicious assault on her, compounded by the nature of Indian culture’s attitude to shame, honour and chastity along with the gross incompetence of the police in hand. From henceforth I will only write recipes, fashion tips (shave your head if you want to look like Avi… Streamlined!) and about gruesome and lurid medical procedures (Did you know there is a type of x-ray taken during defaecation? That’s at least good for a couple of dozen readers being put off their food…) that will drive away all my readers.
I apologise if any further writing offends you but I urge you to follow the lead of my readers and think carefully about what you do and why you are offended by what I say. Using the vast powers of the human brain to realise that the material isn’t aimed specifically at you and any other men you may know who aren’t involved in such a culture may seem like a chore but it is really important to utilise the skill of discernment. We apologise in advance for making you utilise your valuable ATP for such a process instead of say “Cancer Research”. We are sorry we alienated men by doing this. I will happily give any such insulted man a Rupee (You can be just like Link!) if we are to meet in real life.
The next time we write about rape or female genital mutilation or sexual harassment we will try to think of the men, if we don’t mention it we are still thinking about them and hope that you will understand that we are utilising an open concept. If you send us the names of men you know who don’t fit the set we are discussing we will strike their names off from the big book of hating (Mine is personally sponsored by Haterade! Remember! If you must hate then quench your thirst with Haterade! The Electrolyte Balance replenishes your hatred so you may hate things up to 30% Longer!) that we all are issued with.
We hope you will accept this humblest of apologies from me (and probably Taslima) to all the nice men who cannot pathologically do anything bad.
Avicenna (the) Last
(P.S – Sorry!)