Of iPhones and The Game


I am currently stuck at home due to flooding in Chennai. Typhoon Nilam is set to make landfall today and already the winds have picked up and we have been subjected to constant rain. It’s no hurricane but it is pretty nasty.

So while poking around this new fangled reddits, I came across this absolute gem of stupidity. The link is NSFW as is this article. Lots of references to them.

I will hold my hand up. I used to agree with the MRAs. I was kind of a nerd and quite honestly? Their screed is awfully attractive if you are the only one not getting any and because I had a few really rough relationships and considered myself ugly… Jerry Springer Rough. I fit into a lot of what they said about women and so to me it made a lot of sense. Remember it takes one person to ruin your entire outlook on something. I used to be a MRA or atleast someone who thought like them.

I grew up. I learnt a lot doing that. I think the appropriate term is “Life Beat that Shit Out of Me”. I still have issues with the way I look (It’s really hard to not when people stop you in the street to ask what happened to your hair and then claim that you are lying because you are 27) but the MRA stuff is amusing now. It’s an entire culture of men who have no grasp of how women think beyond some bizzare conspiracy to chain men through marriage to take all his money and spend it on gold. I assume the MRAs think women require a bed of gold because they are incapable of differentiating between them and dragons. I certainly was very terrible at it. That’s how I lost my hair!

So I love mocking crazy articles that come out of the “Pick Up Artist and MRA” movement. And they don’t come any crazier than this one!

I want you to think of your grandparents and the love they had. It’s true that maybe your grandmother felt “stuck” with gramps, but for better or worse their relationship endured for some time and there was a golden period of at least a decade where they were completely dedicated to each other. Unless one of your grandmothers was a flight attendant on the first commercial jets and saw daily affections from new men, she was absolutely not cheating on grandpa.

Ho Ho Ho! Flight Attendants are Easy Because Women are Incapable of Loyalty! And everyone knows professional waitresses get really easy if they meet a certain height criteria and serve microwaved food above 10,000 feet! That’s why there are no restaurants on the tops of mountains. You may say “height” but in reality it’s to meet health and safety laws in the workplace.

So what’s wrecking Roosh’s Game? Well it’s Steve Jobs apparently. More specifically? The smart phone. Apparently these technological wonders are responsible for the desolation of the dating scene. I assume in the same way that Ann Summers (Or whatever purveyor of marital aids you prefer) has replaced men in the bedroom…

1. Mutual attraction

2. Lack of other options

Or you know. Love is due to people being a bit loyal to the same option. This is achieved by ensuring women never exceed an altitude of 10,000 feet during the operation of a joint microwave meal.

You can argue that being “in love” is different in that it involves some sort of passion or lust, but for many centuries love has come to mean being attracted to someone while simultaneously not having better options. A married woman in the 1900′s would be hit on maybe once a year by the butcher and that was it. The love she had for her husband was not disturbed unless he went off to war. Today? She could gain 30 pounds and be hit on ten times a day. There is no other tool that increases the amount of times a woman is hit on than a smartphone.

HAHA! Stereotypes! Apparently Roosh gets his ideas about seduction from 1970s British Bawdy Comedies.

For women, the smartphone is a bridge to receive offers of penis twenty-four hours a day. With text messaging and use of apps that connect her to Facebook, dating sites, Instagram, and the like, your average girl is receiving subtle and not-so-subtle sexual offers every other hour. She even gets to hear a bell tone when a new penis is putting in his attempt. The smartphone is a perfectly designed machine for women to field dozens and dozens of penis offerings every month when in the previous generation your average woman wouldn’t receive that many in a lifetime.

Maybe I am doing it wrong but how the hell do you seduce someone through Instagram? And I love the fearmongering! It’s 10:30 AM, do you know how many sexy pictures of men are on your girlfriend’s phone? DO YOU! I Certainly don’t! Oh GOD! SHE IS LOOKING AT PENIS AS WE SPEAK! Penis from that man you hate so much.

This constant shower of penis makes it absolutely and hopelessly impossible for a girl to experience love. She can experience passion, and she can be in lust for a short period of time, but within a year of any relationship, the sheer amount of cock still coming through her iPhone will make her feel like she didn’t get the best man she could have, or feel that her life isn’t as exciting as it could be. She will be unable to settle with one man and be happy. The pitiful option left for men to cope with these times is to “game” their wife—after she took a vow to serve him till death do her part—so that he can rise above the cock offerings that won’t stop coming.

I know what my female readers are thinking: “Well guys have smartphones, too! They are incapable of love just like me!”

I know what my female readers are thinking… It involves trying not to laugh too loudly at the mental imagery. Honestly? There is nothing I can do or say that makes this phrase sound stupider than it really is. This is like suggesting that letting your ladyfriend watch Magic Mike she will break up with you because “Hot Men and Penises” are all that women want in life. Just because you are a shallow tool, doesn’t mean all women are not shallow tools. There are women who are shallow and vapid. Just like there are men who are shallow and vapid. Looks aren’t everything, if you think that then you definitely fear a device which can access hotter people than yourself at any given point.

At it’s core being an MRA is about insecurity. You aren’t secure in what you are and so you believe that other men are out to steal your girl and the only way to stop them is by fisticuffs, bizzare sexual games and the occassional race around Dead man’s Curve.

The minute a man stops using his phone is the minute all potential prospects dry up. If I take a week off from the game, my phone doesn’t make a beep. I don’t even need to re-charge it once but every three days. But if a woman takes a “break” from the game, or changes her relationship status to engaged on Facebook, will the cock offerings dry up? Will she stop receiving “What are you doing this weekend?” text messages? Of course not. Even when a man receives a commitment from a woman, he must still compete with other men as if his girlfriend is eternally stuck in a sausage fest nightclub.

Oh man. That reminds me to text my girlfriend… If I don’t she will leave me for another man because women are like Tamagotchis. If you don’t feed them they will leave you for another owner.

Peer into a woman’s smartphone and you’ll find Las Vegas, nonstop blinking lights and action. Peer into a man’s smartphone who isn’t working on his game and you’ll find something out of a country Western with tumbleweeds rolling through. The only text messages he may very well receive are service notices from his cell phone provider announcing the newest data plan special. Love is dead only for women, not for men. If anything, men are much more interested in love and serious relationships than women are, but they cannot fight the culture tsunami that is drowning them. They want to love a woman who has become incapable of it because of her unconditional adoption of a machine that is only good for one thing: playing the field.

On a Friday night in Croatia… (A Sexual Marathon of not one but 3 women occurs in unnecessarily graphic detail that offend my british stiff upper lip)

For women who have smartphones, you’re the one getting “bumped.” You get bumped down the list as more cock offerings come into view and the memory of having a conversation or date with you travel farther away in her mind. The smartphone alone changes her behavior. It changes the way she dates and how she selects men for sex.

Clearly you are interested in love and serious relationships based on the almost mythical amount of sex you are having… I don’t mind promiscuity if you are honest about it. If you are suggesting that promiscuity is excellent because you treat women as a series of moist holes then clearly you are a tool. It’s the dual standards that is the most irritating. The man’s mobile is needed to fuck women but women don’t need it lest they fuck off and meet other men!

If the changes brought by the internet weren’t disruptive enough, men now have to compete with smartphone devices that simultaneously force them to compete with other men who in the past wouldn’t even fall under their girl’s radar. We’re arriving at the point where women don’t need to lift a finger to get with men because so many desperate, supplicative men inflate her ego, worsen her attitude, and make her lazy when it comes to any relationship. Why should she put in work when she doesn’t have to? Why should she commit when she’s so obviously desired? Did you not notice that the last self-shot photo she uploaded on Facebook got 40 likes? She doesn’t care if you get annoyed when she flakes. She doesn’t care if you don’t like her flip flops.

Yes, why go for someone who appreciates you when instead you can date some tosser who constantly hates your shoes and will forget who you are in 3 days.

Soon every woman in the world will have a smartphone, and the idea of commitment and love will be a throwback, something that belongs in old movies. Until then, when I’m talking to a girl and she pulls out some piece of shit old Nokia phone, I can’t help but get a little excited. I know she will be warmer, I know she won’t flake, and I know that I’m about to have an experience with a woman that will give me an honest shot. But if she pulls out a smartphone, I know that she’ll just be adding me to her collection of penises. She’s the celebrity, and I’m nothing more than a fan.

Because old Nokias cannot recieve text messages. It’s impossible for a man to seduce her without the aid of Instagram. Everyone knows that. I know for a fact that I am dating my current ladyfriend through the cunning use of dog pictures and pictures of rice and curry all with a sepia filter to make it look like I spilt coffee on my phone.

Comments

  1. Dunc says

    If I take a week off from the game, my phone doesn’t make a beep.

    That’s not because you’re a man, it’s because you’re a friendless loser and everybody hates you. Because you’re a tool.

  2. machintelligence says

    The female choice element of human sexuality is certainly hard on (pun intentional) some of these losers.

  3. says

    What the feck did I just read?

    Women are hopelessly drawn to cock pics, so don’t trust ‘em if they have a smartphone?!?!

    What colour is the sky in this guy’s world?

  4. says

    Roosh scares me. The fact that some men actually listen to his tripe scares me even more. Men like Roosh treat women like objects, like aliens, like something not quite human. It’s payback in many cases for all the times they were treated poorly. The problem is they end up acting worse than the women who rejected them.

    I honestly feel sorry for people who believe the way Roosh does. They seem to hate themselves as much as anyone else.

  5. Bill Openthalt says

    Oh my. Unless this is a spoof, Roosh really sounds delusional. I particularly like creative recasting:

    after she took a vow to serve him till death do her part

    No wonder marriage isn’t popular anymore.

    But wait, there’s more:

    If a girl has a smartphone in hand, she is simply less able to commit to a man

    is incredible coming from a bloke who’s idea of commitment is bedding a girl on the first date, casting her unasked in the role of sex toy, and then a day later ending up “accidentally” kissing another one for hours.

    Most shocking is the approving roar of the chorus hailing this new prophet of manhood. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

    That being said, if a person gets hurt in a relationship, is the hurt less real when this person is a man? Does the fact that elsewhere and elsewhen more women have been hurt in any way assuage the hurt of this individual?

    Maybe we should spend less time pigeonholing people, and more time connecting with them as individuals, each worthy of empathy and understanding.

    Conundrum: do I draw the line at Roosh :)?

  6. Bill Openthalt says

    He’s obviously very insecure, and sees every other man as more attractive than himself (the sad thing is he’s probably right). The second of his two “components of love”, Lack of other options, is quite telling.

  7. says

    The strange thing is this is a self defeating practice.

    You will end up dating women, but the kind of women who would want to date you aren’t the kind of women you want.

    The female equivalent of this is the “Cosmo Reader”. It’s a terrifying book that treats men as idiots. Check out the Pervocracy (Who I have forgotten to link to) and her stellar blog.

    I guarantee you won’t look at Cosmo the same way ever again! It’s also filled with nonsense like this.

  8. Sudo Me says

    Is it just me or is the idea of non stop cock pictures on my phone a total turnoff? Seriously, keep it in your pants unless I ask to see it.

  9. Sudo Me says

    I am pretty unimpressed by anyone who sends me unsolicited dick pictures. Even if it’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen.

  10. JRB says

    I actually think in a lot of cases he’s using “penis” or “offer of penis” to mean “man” or “any communication a man has with a woman”. I think him and his ilk are so incapable of seeing members of the opposite sex as anything other than a collection of genitalia that they just assume everyone thinks that way.

  11. Z says

    Slight correction: Roosh is a PUA, not a MRA.

    I suggest checking out manboobz.com: it mocks PUAs, MRAs and other assorted misogynists and sexists. It also has covered Roosh’s attitude towards women. Just a sample:

    http://manboobz.com/2012/08/06/fck-funnels-raw-dogs-and-garbage-receptacles-roosh-on-romance/

    http://manboobz.com/2012/08/25/roosh-the-pua-dude-women-are-lubricated-holes-that-exist-mostly-for-a-mans-sexual-pleasure/

    And this post will totally end up in the spam filter…

  12. bradleybetts says

    Okay, so MRA is Men’s Rights Activist (read: Insecure arsehole who a) can’t get laid and blames women for that rather than himself or b) who’s been fucked over by a woman in the past and has made the childish, sweeping assumption that they are all out to get him)… what’s a PUA?

  13. 742 says

    okay i like the article but theres something really not shiny you said early on that bugged the shit out of me: my best friend during childhood was a dragon, and the idea that 1. there is no overlap between dragons and women (in reality about 50% of dragons are women) and 2. they just want gold is really offensive; silver, enchanted swords, and original late renisance art also figure prominently in most hordes. racist asshole.

  14. invivoMark says

    There’s a sliver of truth there somewhere – namely, women get propositioned more often than men (frequently by MRA sleazebags like this, so not sure how much that counts), and women at dating sites get far more messages than men.

    But the rest of it… gah! It’s like watching a political attack ad – they start with some fact somewhere, but twist around it in so many ways that the original thought gets lost in a forest of ridiculously stupid.

  15. F says

    Even if we granted, for the sake of argument, that all Doosh’s “facts” were true, it would still seem that men are the problem. Burqas for everyone!

  16. Nepenthe says

    This constant shower of penis makes it absolutely and hopelessly impossible for a girl to experience love.

    That reminds me that I need to purchase an umbrella. *shudders*

    Though my favorite PUA how-do-I-use-words moment is “lit up like a vagina tree, with a squirting orgasm shooting out of the star on top”* by Heartiste. Because, just, no.

    *Contained in a post about why abusing women makes the sex better. And stuff. Not a chance I’m linking.

  17. Ysanne says

    First off:

    It’s an entire culture of men who have no grasp of how women think beyond some bizzare conspiracy to chain men through marriage to take all his money and spend it on gold.

    This already shows the MRA lack of knowledge about women: We’d spend the money on shoes. Except for the portion that we’d spend on matching handbags and mani-pedis. Maybe a tiny fraction on a house big enough to store all the shoes and handbags.

    And it never ceases to amaze me how some men think that women are as excited about looking at photos of their penis as they are about making and sending out these penis photos. Or as excited as they would be about getting boob photos.
    Also, Roosh needs to go back in time and tell my great-grandma as well as my great-grandpa’s married girlfriends that they’re not supposed to have had the opportunity for affairs. Even though this was probably the reason why they lived together so happily until age 90.

  18. bradleybetts says

    @F

    “what’s a PUA?
    Pickup artist.”

    Ah, thanks :)

    He’s clearly not a very good one if his “game” is being ruined by the smartphone, is he?

  19. im says

    “after she took a vow to serve him till death do her part”

    THE WORD, you idiot, is VASSAL. V – A – S – S – A – L.

    Lovers are for LOVING!

    The smartphones are a bit crazy. What does it say about them that they believe… that men are unthinkingly controlled by sexual urges, and that women are ALSO unthinkingly controlled by seuxal urges that seem to have a status or wealth component?

  20. leni says

    And it never ceases to amaze me how some men think that women are as excited about looking at photos of their penis as they are about making and sending out these penis photos. Or as excited as they would be about getting boob photos.

    I know!

    It’s like they think we’re as impressed with their penises as they are.

    And if this is how he thinks dating works, I have to wonder how many women have been traumatized with pictures of his penis.

    Oh god I hope he doesn’t do speed dating, that’s a terrifying thought D=

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