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Sep 07 2012

Fear Me Ladies!

Trigger Warnings – Massacre and Rape and Abuse (they make sense in context).

I recently started poking around Reddit, mainly to entertain myself when bored, but also as a source of information and blog ideas.

And then someone told me about the Men’s Right Reddit and boy has it paid off…

Apparently this is an article written by a “feminist” called Anwesha on why the ladies shouldn’t trust men who are feminist. Well who treat women as equals, the article is vague. So without further ado…

Usually men shriek at the mention of the word ‘feminism’. Being involved with a feminist is probably a man’s worst nightmare. Thus, men who are feminists themselves are a rare commodity. However, despite being something of a novelty, such type of men do not find much favour with women. In fact, most women hate men who claim to withhold feminist ideologies.

Not really. Listen, Anwesha here may not have any real idea how men think. You have to be pretty disconnected from reality if you would say such a thing because.

The infamous Icecream Gambit

1. Not everything men do is designed to impress women. We do have other interests and fears. Calling yourself a feminist won’t cause us to go “ZOMG RUN AWAY”. Unless you are CRAZY. If you said “I Am a feminist and I believe all men are potential rapists so give me a good reason not to mace you and unload my entire taser charge” then I would probably run… That’s not feminism, that’s crazy. Feminism is the mere notion that women are equal to men bar biological differences (AKA Women can have babies, men are bigger and stronger)

2. We are a product of nurture rather than nature. If you teach your young boys to respect women they will grow up to respect women.

3. I think you are confusing “Feminist Men” with “Nice guys ™”. A feminist man understands that there is a time and a place to grab a consenting woman, a Nice Guy attempts to use niceness to try and gain consent which actually means he isn’t nice but is “nice”. If I buy you an ice cream it’s a nice act, if I buy you an ice cream to convince you to wash the dishes then it’s not niceness but a business transaction based on dairy deception dessert. There is a right time and a place to chain the right woman to a bed.

So what is wrong with us men?

1. Against Their Nature: Wouldn’t it strike you as strange if a tiger suddenly turned vegetarian? This is because it is against their basic nature. In the same way, feminism is against the basic nature of men and that is why women hate men who claim to be upholders of women’s rights.

I think Anwesha gets all her ideas from men from Cosmo which can be boiled down to touch him on the penis. The basic nature of straight men is to LIKE women and want to have sex with them (bar some specific cases). Treating men as if we are incapable of anything apart from penis waggling and oppression is highly insulting. The MRA’s who  posted this may like to think that they are a titan of uncontrolled male aggression and this is highly sexy to the ladies but you know what?

We are not “in our nature” to hate women. A tiger is a biologically driven carnivore, we are not biologically driven to fuck women over.

In terms of simple logic? I do not gain ANYTHING by being a dick to women or oppressing them. Let’s look at this logically.

1. If women are equal, she will earn the same as me. I will have more money if I hang out with one and marrying a woman won’t be considered “dead weight” or a poor decision financially.

2. If women are empowered the need for marriage for financial security falls. I don’t have to worry about people “claiming” to like me for my money. Pre-nuptial agreements can be the norm because a woman who may earn more than me will want that same security. It’s sad but prudent. The world is built on prudence. There is nothing wrong in agreeing how disagreements will go.

3. I don’t lose anything by women being equal to me. My value doesn’t depreciate in society. I don’t become useless if a woman does what I can do. If you think cooking, cleaning, laundry and the like are demeaning then you really are a slob.

4. I won’t feel sad or sorry if I have female children, that they would have to grow up in a world where men are trying to screw them over (And a fair few women by the sound of things…). I don’t have to treat my children according to magic gender roles. If my hypothetical little girl wants to throw a rugby ball and roll around in the mud screaming obscenities at other like minded people then I won’t have to tell her the truth that “Some People Consider It Unlady Like”. (Same applies if my hypothetical son does a Billy Elliot).

5. I am not bound by gender roles. I don’t have to bring home the bacon always. If something happens my hypothetical wife can carry her own weight. Why the hell would I want to marry some stay at home wife? Monetarily speaking it’s a poor decision. Socially speaking? What the hell would we talk about? She won’t understand what I do and will forever be bored that I have a job that comes first and requires extra work at home and I will forever think she sits at home twiddling her thumbs and watching day time TV (To be fair if I am at home like that? That’s what I would do…)

6. Independant women = Independant me. If my girlfriend or wife has her own “stuff” to do then you know what? It’s best that she goes and does it. I know some people exist who can walk around chained to each other, but I cannot. I need space. I have friends. Sometimes I want to go be stupid with other men and drink beer while watching the football (Drinking Wine and Play Videogames). An independant woman who has her own life will let me have that time. I can do activities that she may not enjoy because she isn’t forced to chain herself to me leaving with a choice of either doing the activity and feeling li
ke a heel or not doing the activity and feeling irritated.

If I wanted a loyal obedient slave who I can train to jump through hoops I would get a dog. No. I want a human being, and human beings are all equal. Did Anwesha ever think that men LIKE feminists because that’s the kind of woman they like? I mean jokes aside the major reason we date people is because we like them for who they are and that they fulfil some important and often nebulous requirement that we find attractive.

2. Traitors To Their Own Cause: The types of men who start calling themselves feminists are seen as ‘traitors’ among men folk. Generally, men despise male feminists much more than they despise female feminists. How do you trust someone who has betrayed their own kind? If they have betrayed their own gender that is men, they might as well betray you.

Apparently the male cause is stupid. The only people who treat men who are feminists as traitors are the Men’s Rights Activists and they are not really nice. You aren’t betraying anyone by treating women as equals. It’s like saying “See! They treat you with respect! They are bound to stop because many men don’t treat you with respect!”.

3. No Chivalry: Usually men who believes in the rights of women lack chivalry. They treat women as equal, but not better than men. So when you are an equal, he doesn’t have to hold the door for you or pay your bill. Just like Atheists have no holidays, feminists have no concessions for being women. That is why legendary actress, Marilyn Monroe once said, “Women who want to be equal with men lack ambition.”

Why the fuck should I have to pay your bills? Chivalry? It also means I have to keep men at arms and own a castle. And real life chivalry was a bit more Game of Thrones and a lot less Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. We have romanticised codes of conduct such as chivalry and bushido forgetting that they were rather not all that great outside stories and movies. For every Seven Samurai story there is one of reality. No, Bushido like Chivalry is a barbarous ideology used to justify it’s followers as good and honourable. 

And I hold open doors for everyone. I give up seats for the elderly and pregnant women. I am sorry, I missed the part where you think paying bills is “chivalry”. Sure, for a long term girlfriend treating each other to fancy meals is “nice” but frankly you always split the bill. Right down the middle. And modern iterations of chivalry are up for definition. And atheists have days where they remember real people andd real events. A “holiday” doesn’t need religious connotations.

You don’t have to duel for her honour (although I warn you. I have had fencing lessons).

I understand the shirtlessness, but why the baby oil?
 4. More Liberation Than We Need: When a man turns feminist, he becomes much more radical than the most rabid feminist. They start preaching for much more liberation than women want or need. Now, we may believe in our right to not wear bras as it is a symbol of oppression and gender stereotyping; but do we really want men to be burning bras on the street for our cause?

No? I am pretty feminist and accept that there are some “crazy feminists” who hate men out there. But you know what? Most sane people think they are crazy.

And to my knowledge most men wouldn’t burn bras. It seems like a frightful waste of lingerie. And feminists wear bras… There is nothing wrong with that. Wait? We just came to the conclusion that feminists want equality. How is equality more freedom than you “need”.

5. Women Like Bad Boys: No matter how technically correct feminist men are, women hardly ever get attracted to such men. Women have this sinister quality to get attracted to all the ‘wrong’ kinds of men. The mythical ‘bad boy’ who is a woman beater and a chauvinist still reigns supreme in the fantasies of women. Put it simply, women are a bit masochistic from within. That is why it is not unnatural to see beautiful, confident and successful women seek out potentially abusive relationships.
This is less a fault with feminist men and more a fault of idiots. Listen, if you want to set yourself on fire then don’t complain about being burnt. Women do not have this sinister quality where they date “bad men”. It’s just that bad men exist and many people end up dating them. Because bad men LIE. They aren’t bad to start with. They are “nice” and you think they are nice and maybe a bit dark and wild. But then they slowly become abusive. An abusive boyfriend or husband didn’t start a relationship through a highly romantic black eye, it’s a slow spiral of threats and violence building up to that. 
And I must explain the difference between a fantasy and reality. If you ask a woman’s fantasy about “abuse” then you will hear a FANTASY. An idealistic set of conditions where the woman would be willing to have the “abuse” perpetrated on them by an appropriate person. The ultimate point of a fantasy is that the woman who fantasies about being beaten is STILL UNDER CONTROL. She can stop the fantasy at any point since she is under control when it is in her head. When it is being acted out then the control in a respectful relationship will still remain with her despite the illusion of a lack of control being present. I know feminists who have rape (yeah seriously) fantasies. It doesn’t mean that they want to get raped. It means that they want to pretend that you are a intruder and have consensual sex DISGUISED as what they fantasise rape to be like. In the same way women who like being “hit” during sex actually lay out strict rules on what can and cannot be done and will tell you if you are hitting them too hard or soft. That’s the thing. This is all consent based. No woman sets out to get beaten up during a relationship.
At no point during any of this does anyone require the man to be a horrible person. You can be a good honest feminist man and indulge in a fantasy. 
If you keep dating terrible men on purpose then you are the problem, not feminist men. You are actively repeatedly making empirically bad decisions and there is nothing men can do about it.
All in all, feminist men are not bad, but they are too good to be true. Would you like to date a man who calls himself a feminist

Wait. So the main closing argument is that “Man, those feminist men must be hiding some pretty weird shit if they have to treat women like equals”.

Weird sexual things like this…

 The issue is not that men and women should be equal, it’s just that Anwesha thinks that no man can ever be good.

1 comment

  1. 1
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    Actually, once you have kids, it can often become more financially reasonable to have one parent stay home. If one parent only makes enough to cover day care and a bit more, there’s no point in that parent working. And it IS good for a child to have a stay at home parent. Not best, any option can be made to work well, but it’s good.

    And this idea that if one parent/spouse is at home they would have nothing to talk to the other spouse about? Say huh?? You don’t shut off your brain if you are at home. You still read, are a functioning member of the human race. I was more busy, more challenged by the community when I was at home with my kids than when I’d been working.

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