Have Sexual Intercourse With The Pope


Don’t do it. People will get insulted by it. And before we begin, this post is about censorship, swearing and catholicism. If you are under the age of 18 then I strictly state that after the jump there will be a lot of swearing.


The argument that reason and propreity go hand in fucking hand is a ridiculous one. A lot of things that are part of reason, skeptical and atheist movements are not considered normal for daily conversation in public places and nominally considered inappropriate around children.

It may not be suitable for children but guess what? Neither is religion and catholic priest penises (which according to Catholicism aren’t suitable for anyone). The entire point of the song is to point out what a horribly odious religion catholicism is and that it has managed to escape from justice for it’s entire upper echleon being complicit in child molestation. I understand forgiveness is a big deal in catholicism but it’s not the fucking pope who has to forgive rapists, it’s the people who the rapists raped. And the people who they rape are subject to laws that were subverted to protect the rapists. It’s an entire organisation that failed to Render Unto Caesar and now Caesar is fucking pissed off.

To quote Sir Pratchett. “The good are innocent and create justice, the bad are guilty and invent mercy.” 


I don’t see why we should show priests mercy for their crimes when we show none to anyone else. Faith in God should not give you immunity to the law.

Although to clear thinking, moral citizens, the idea of tossing about the “F” word, the granddaddy of curse words, at a public gathering billed as “family friendly” and “inclusive” would be unconscionable, such was not the case with the secularists assembled at the National Mall last Saturday in Washington, D.C.

Fuck is the grand-daddy of curse words? Really? What about Motherfucker? What about Nigger? For the love of fuck! I would say fuck in a room full of nuns quite comfortably without using the word nigger and I am not even white and american. The word just is wrong to so many people in the english speaking world on a scale far more inappropriate than “fuck”.

To clear thinking and moral citizens, the behaviour of the Catholic Church is far more reprehensible than Tim Minchin’s swearing. That’s part of the point of the song. That shouting fuck repeatedly is less abusive than actually fucking a child and not taking the moral high ground. That instead people are more interested in Tim shouting Fuck than the pope hiding these child rapists from justice. The song itself says that if you are fucking interested in the amount of fucks that come from Tim Minchin’s motherfucking mouth then fuck you. You are incapable of understanding the fucking hatred Tim has about motherfuckers fucking children. And that you haven’t listened to the song which specifically CARRIES this message.

The song itself was written when the Pope in his infinite and infalliable wisdom chose to criticise atheists and secularists in the UK as ruining society. Obviously because we think that paedophilia is a big problem while the Catholic church defended their stance by blaming homosexuals, atheists, secularists and children for these priests molesting children. And Keith Wilmer doesn’t get it as to why we are so goddamn pissed off.

It’s not because the pope is a bigot in a stupid fucking hat but because the motherfucker that he is has the fucking balls as a virgin to determine what women should and shouldn’t do with their bodies. That this fucker thinks that the spreading lies about homosexuality is acceptable inspite of the ten commandments that he is supposed to pay lip service to. That this fucker has killed people. Not personally and not with any gun but with information and ignorance. That millions of people in Africa have HIV and AIDS courtesy of the stance of the church and rather than empirically admit their mistake they would rather more died as they drag this argument along.

I think he fucking deserves to be called motherfucker.


But here is the thing.

There were kids around. We are at a crossroad in spoken language where fuck doesn’t carry the same lofty reputation as the grandfather of all fucking expletives. It’s become such a casual swear that I am sure most kids have heard it being used either by their own parents or by someone else. Swearing loses it’s power like this. The more we use it the less potent it is. Tim Minchin’s swearing is going to be part of your kid’s life at some point. It’s not going to go fuck off and go away. You simply cannot make the fucking claim that people who swear are horrible people because most of us fuckers are rather nice. 


It’s a valid fucking point. I would be fucking uncomfortable swearing around my children. Hell for a long time I was uncomfortable swearing in fucking bed. Yeah, my dirty talk was for a long time PG rated. I grew up treating expletives as the fucking atom bomb of language, to be used when you really were mad. But my opinion changed. I don’t know what I would want my kids to be exposed to. I would want them to know that these words exist but to use them in the appropriate context. Swear words are taboo and that’s what makes them so fucking effective. 

Virulent hatred for all things religious, with careful aim taken at Christianity, seemed to be the prevailing theme at this atheist jamboree. It almost make one wonder when secularists are going to publish their own bible.
Mainly because Christianity cannot seem to distinguish between separation of church and state. Because Christianity is trying to dictate what atheists can and cannot do in their public lives that it takes this flak. I couldn’t give a flying fuck about what fucking christians believe in because I never believed in christianity. Not all atheists are ex-christians. Many are ex-hindu and there are increasing numbers of ex-muslim atheists. However it’s just that in the fucking USA there are a motherfucking tonne of christians who try and force christianity on other people resulting in things ranging from creationism being taught as fact to birth control being denied to women
by insurance providers to the simple right to marry the people you want to fuck.

Muslims, Jews, Hindus aren’t out in the USA trying to do those things. And we can come up with a far more blasphemous and useful prayer than Keith Wilmer.

Our mother, who is human, we remember for all that she has done.
In good and in bad, in happy and in sad, she has helped make us who we are.
Our father, who is human, we remember for all that he has done.
In good and in bad, in happy and in sad, he has shaped us for who we are.Be the genetic or adoptive, straight or gay we remember them for what they have done.

Our family of this earth, we remember for their role,
In making us who we are today
Our friends we remember for their role,
In keeping us company along the way
Our teachers we remember,
For knowledge and wisdom.


Our priests we remember for the lack of such. 

We make our own bread daily, we tried to touch the stars,
We hunted mammoth and we open bars.
We supposedly stole fire from heaven, and we created cars
We touched the moon, and we will definitely try to touch mars.

In order to make the world a better place,
We need to remember that there is just one life that we have,
One chance, one opportunity, just one coin in the arcade,
What we chose to do with our lives is our choice until we fade,
But we should make the world a better place,
So that children will have the same choice be they complex, or whether to get cod or plaice.

So think before you act or speak. Punish those who break the laws fairly.
Withstand your punishment with grace when you break those same laws.
Forgive the trespasses against you only if you deem it appropriate.
There are some things that cannot be forgiven.
Like motherfucking priests fucking little children.

Indulge in your temptations and be safe,
You only have one life to live so abstinence is a waste
And over indulgence ruins that which you partake
And be who you are, not what your not
Else the very core of you will rot.

Use your mind to think, for it is our greatest weapon.
Be it club, spear, arrow, bullet or bomb
Keep it open but not gullible, for an open mind is a great tool.
A gullible mind just makes you a tool.
If something is wrong determine why before you cast your judgement.

At death there is oblivion, we are all scared of it.
There is little dignity in death, but there is dignity and grace in our life
You won’t be nothing, you won’t even realise it.
You will be alive in a thousand blades of grass, in a million leaves.
You will fall in raindrops and blow in the fresh breeze.
You will be glittering dew under the stars, and the moon.
The physical world is our Heaven and Home and always was.


So it matters more to us, to live in this world.
Because where we are is always the most important place.
And we need to build our own heaven,
That is why we need our lives, to build heaven where we are.
No one can do it if they put themselves first.
We have to be all those difficult things like cheerful and kind, curious and patient.
We have to study, think and work hard for all of us.
We do not live in the Kingdom of Heaven, We live in the Republic of Man
And Heaven is at our feet. 

And if there is one quote to take from religion it is this.
If you walk with the shade of love in your heart,
Then you will find Paradise at your Feet.
Walk with Love. Walk with Love.

A much better “Atheist Ditty” than anything Wimer could slime up with. I borrowed from Philip Pullman rather than the bible. And I borrowed from Sufi Islam to produce a message that’s far superior to any silly thing Jehovah could come with up.

And I know this prayer is exclusive still. Many people do not have good families. Many people have terrible parents and telling them to honour their parents is pointless. Many people live in an absolute hell on this planet.

But I want a world where this “prayer” to not be exclusive. And that is a world where we as atheists can and will work towards.

And we are going to start by calling fucking Ratzinger out for being the motherfucker
that he fucking well is.

Comments

  1. jb says

    Awesome.Fucking.Post.Avicenna!

    I can’t add much, other than to say that I knew one particular sociopath who would admonish me for swearing, but had *no* problem stealing, lying, and trying to fondle his 15 year old stepdaughter!

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