I was working on this idea for a while before a friend saw a similar idea on Project Unbreakable
(Trigger Warnings but Empowering – It is a collection of statements made by rapists to their rape victims) and linked me to it. I decided to combine both of the ideas into one… It’s parody but as always, warnings apply.
999 Emergency, How can I help?
Man – Hello? I have just been mugged and I don’t know what to do?
Dispatch – Are you okay? Where were you when you were mugged?
I was walking back after a few drinks on Moss Lane when two men in hoodies and tracksuits grabbed me and said “Give me all your money or I will batter you”,
Dispatch - And you co-operated with them? Just like that? Without a fight?
Man - What was I supposed to do? There were two of them and I was terrified. They may have hit me! And I was drunk, I had no way to defend myself.
Dispatch – Well do you give money to charity?
Man - Yes, but what does that have to do with this?
Dispatch – Maybe you are a philanthropist? Maybe you wanted to give them money. If you walk down the street after dark, and then you gave money to someone without a fight. Are you sure this was a mugging not you regretting a donation? You could really ruin someone’s life like this.
Man - What!
Dispatch – What were you wearing at the time?
Man - A suit but I don’t see what that has to do with anything.
Dispatch – Oh, so you were dressed in a fancy suit, walking down a dark street while drunk and after closing time. I bet you were opening up your wallet and fanning yourself with your money. It’s only natural for someone to mug you. You were pretty much asking to be mugged. I think people will say that you are just a rich philanthropist and I don’t think we can get a conviction even if we nab your “mugger”…