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March 2, 2012 at 11:09 am 
Al Stefanelli “The only way human beings can win a war is to prevent it.” – George Marshall
It’s been an incredible twenty-one years since my wife and I promised to love each other, for better or worse, in sickness and health and for richer or poorer. Since the day of our secular wedding, in a small chapel in south Florida, there has been better and worse, sickness and health and richer and poorer. The Atheist and the Christian, from two different economic and social backgrounds, doing successfully what the general consensus said cannot be done. Through it all, there has always been love, respect and the understanding that we are two individuals who have made a decision to coexist with one another. In spite of what has been thrown our way, we endure – and do so learning each day what a blessing we are to each other. I cannot imagine life without Mrs. Stefanelli, nor do I even want to.
Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Stefanelli…
Friends Ask, How…?
Some friends have asked how we’ve managed to maintain a successful marriage. The only advice I can give is to start off with taking words like “let” and “allow” out of any conversation. This is a needed start. Marriage is a partnership, and there can be no success in a partnership unless both sides are equal in each other’s eyes. Then, from there, you remain considerate, compassionate, kind, understanding, caring and realize that this takes work, but the rewards far outweigh the effort.
You cannot have a partnership without a partner, and you cannot have a partner if all you think about is yourself. Their concerns, opinions, thoughts, motives and beliefs are just as important as yours. Find common ground, and work from there. That is diplomacy, and without it, a relationship is doomed either to be unproductive, unhappy or to complete failure.
Finally, remove all vestiges of jealousy, which is the most destructive force against a successful marriage and never raise your voice to one another or insult one another. Ever. There should never be “fighting words.“ To answer the obvious, no, we’ve never had a fight. We disagree on things, but we discuss. We have our opinions, but never argue. We get frustrated, but never yell.
It can be done, and my wife and I are living proof.
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Wow, two and one tenth decades together. Congrats to the both of you.
Beautiful sentiment. My beloved and I celebrate our 21st tomorrow. Thanks for sharing your heart.
Congratulations Mr and Mrs Stefanelli! Wishing you many more years of joyful togetherness!
Happy anniversary, you two.
Congratulations! Very happy for you both.
Many congratulations to the both you, you definitely deserve every bit of happiness you have together. <3
Congrats, Al. May you both be together for another 21 years at least.
Mr Steffani,
Since we are both recovering fundamentalists, brothers in our liberation, I want to offer a few words.
Twenty thousand years ago, men left the shelter they had either built or found for their women and children, and bearing their newest state of the art weapons they went out to hunt anything. Anything from a turkey to a Mammoth. It was tough work, in miserable weather sometimes, but their conscience obligated them. Relationships must have been more simple then. Everyone understood their role in society.
In our wisdom, we fucked with all of that and decided, at first that women owned the children, then decided they were common property, when in fact they are the victims. But, my point is, despite the turmoil in society, you accomplished what I never have. A long term relationship. Congratulations. May your good fortune continue.
NL
I hate to ask something so crude, and feel free not to answer, but does she believe you’re going to Hell? I can’t imagine living with or loving someone who thought that.
Congratulations Mr. Stefanelli! Behind every good man… as they say. You must have one great wife because we know you can be a handful sometimes. Here’s to the two of you in your celebration of a love for life! Cheers, buddy!
JJ
Cheers to you and the Mrs. on all the work to create a great relationship!
Hey…..Happy 21st to the both of you.
Wowzer…what a handsome couple you made. Your missus is hot and you look like Matt LeBlanc!
All my love and best wishes from this side of the world
DtS
Congratulations to the both of you. You’re a very good example of how love can be so wonderful and accepting.
I really enjoyed the way you spoke of your relationship on LAF recently. Thanks very much for talking with us. Hope this isn’t too spammy, but if anyone would like to hear a bit more, I think Al represents their relationship beautifully. http://livingafterfaith.blogspot.com/2012/02/youll-laf-youll-cry-youll-shit-your.html
Can’t wait to meet you at the RR!
Congratulations to you both!
Congratulations!
Congratulations and best wishes. I was married to my wife for 35 years. Then I made a terrible mistake (no, I was not unfaithful), and now I’m alone. I miss her every second of my life.
I recently had a rather acerb discussion with Anat and Azkyroth back at The Blag Hag blog concerning what love is meant to be. A part of me wants to be liberal, and accept as valid any form of relationship, including one-night stands and polygamy. But a greater part of me knows that love is commitment and devotion (not in the religious sense, of course).
May you and Mrs. Stefanelli be happy together for the next 21 years.
Congrats to both (and you weren’t bad looking in your day, old thing).