Is this the worst zombie movie ever made? Absolutely not. Well, probably not. I’m sure something worse exists out there. Almost sure. Okay, I’m hopeful.
We’re going to watch it anyway.
As Dark Dungeon comes out, it seems only fair to remind everyone that Jack Chick is not the only person who can pen a terrible, terrible movie about the game. In fact, Chick at least wasn’t trying to be entertaining. The makers of the 2000 Dungeons & Dragons had no such excuse.
Three years before Captain Jack, John Barrowman’s career was…not all that. The result was Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, a movie which prompted the question, “Three?!” This year, it is our Shark Week feature.
What? This isn’t shark week? Yeah, that’s okay. The movie’s not going to show any real shark behavior either.
Sometimes, when filmmakers don’t have the money for a good script, or a good location, or good special effects, they decide to roll with it, hire a non-actor, and pretend the whole thing is supposed to be funny. Of course, that doesn’t actually make the movie funny. When this happens, you get something like Hell Comes to Frogtown.
If you were the ghost of a mummy, reawakened by a CAT scan and bearing the name of a demon, what would you do? Burgle the Louvre, of course, but only after possessing Sophie Marceau.
Look, I’m sure Belphégor – Le fantôme du Louvre made more sense in French–in the Sixties, when it was a cult TV hit show and everyone did more drugs. Well, maybe I’m not sure, but I am hopeful. Either way, we’re going to mock it this Wednesday.
So by now you’ve probably seen that Ricky Gervais is once again desperately clinging to a word that he desperately needs to…well, for some reason anyway, I’m sure. I first saw it on Facebook:
If you grabbed Hitler and shouted “stop killing innocent people you cunt”, someone on Facebook would call you out on your sexist language.
As I pointed out there, if you grabbed Hitler and shouted at him, people would rightly point out that he’s dead and hasn’t been killing people for nearly 70 years, which just raises the next question: What are you really doing that’s so vitally important you can’t spare a moment to deal with sexism?
When Ophelia posted more of Gervais’s “defense”, such as it is, it struck me how hard he was working to defend something that’s fundamentally useless. It just doesn’t work as a serious epithet, unless your entire point is the misogyny. It’s even more useless for a comedian. [Read more…]
Have I seen a worse movie? No I can’t say that I have.
Dracula 3000 is the epitome of painfully cheesy cinema.
This is, by far, the single biggest waste of hours you could otherwise spend contemplating the importance of dish towels and their effect on your life.
Really, how could we not?
You might have heard me mention (oh, once or twice before) that this weekend is Skeptech. It’s a cool conference with a great set of speakers. They could still very much use some funds to make this an ongoing concern. But I’ve told you all that.
What I haven’t mentioned is that I’m playing a role on stage as well. I haven’t mentioned it because we weren’t sure it was going to happen. Rebecca Watson has graciously agreed, however, to get up early Saturday morning so we can fit one more session into the schedule. (We promised her really good coffee from Open Book, just down the road.) So the morning’s opening remarks will start at 9, and as soon as they’re done, I will interview Rebecca to get her tips on single-handedly destroying a movement.
Here are a few of the topics I expect to ask her about:
So get up early on Saturday and bring your coffee. You won’t want to miss this event.
When I think of directors who’ve done great Akira Kurosawa adaptations, I always think of Roger Corman. Don’t you? After all, who could ever forget Battle Beyond the Stars?