Mock the Movie: Tarantella Edition

The tarantella is a dance, supposedly with its origin in a spider bite. Tarantella is also a spider woman, according to Mesa of Lost Women. You can tell by those things on her fingers. And by the dancing, which isn’t anything like a tarantella, but why invest in new words when you can grab some old ones and call the whole thing “ethnic”?

This one is available on YouTube. [Read more…]

Mock the Movie: Not How Any of This Works Edition

There’s something heartwarming about having people think of you every time they watch a truly terrible movie. Also something a little scary. Still, every once in a while, we find a movie this way we need to inflict on ourselves and others (mostly others).

Icetastrophe is one of these movies. Want to know what this movie is like? Picture a production crew asking themselves just how wrong they could get the science without adding any entertainment value by it, then saying, “But we need more explosions.”

This one is available on Netflix. [Read more…]

Mock the Movie: Only Mostly Dead Edition

A while back, we mocked the 2000 Dungeons & Dragons movie. Literally the only things memorable about the movie were Jeremy Irons’ teethmarks all over the set and the ease with which the superhuman henchfreak was finally dispatched in the end. This means, of course, that we have to watch the sequel, Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God if for no other reason than to find out how Damodar survived.

If? Heh. Who am I kidding. There is no other reason.

This one is available on YouTube. [Read more…]

Mock the Movie: Superior Edition

Look, we can’t help it if Nessie likes Minnesota better than the Highlands of Scotland. We’re clearly just better. It has absolutely nothing to do with the cost of filming overseas from your production office. Nothing at all. Come mock Beyond Loch Ness (aka Loch Ness Terror) with us and see how wonderful the area is. After all, there has to be something good about this movie, right?


Yeah, that’s totes Lake Superior.

This one is available on YouTube. [Read more…]

Mock the Movie: The Price of Rights Edition

Oh, the things a studio will do to prevent the rights for a superhero movie from reverting to the comics studio that owns the characters. Like making a movie they never intend to release so they can make a different one a decade later. Like hiring Roger Corman to produce that movie.

This Wednesday, we’re watching the 1994 version of The Fantastic Four. It feels a bit unfair, because everyone was trying to make the best movie they could with the resources they hadn’t been given. It’s okay, though. We’ll still mock it.

This one is available on Dailymotion. [Read more…]

Mock the Movie: Farewell Edition

Roddy Piper had a knack for being appealing in some very terrible movies. Watch Hell Comes to Frogtown if you want to know what I’m talking about. (Don’t watch Hell Comes to Frogtown. Just don’t.) To commemorate his work on the occasion of his recent death, we’re going to watch one of those movies this Wednesday: Tough and Deadly. Then we’re going to mock the hell out of it, because that’s what we do.

This one is available on YouTube. [Read more…]

Mock the Movie: Misandry Edition

To be fair, we try to sneak a little misandry in every Mock the Movie. In this one, however, we have a full 50 feet of it, or as close as they manage to get in any individual shot. That’s right, we’re doing the Darryl Hannah television remake of Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman. We’ll have to see how much Daniel Baldwin causes the rest of us to Hulk out by the end.

This one is available on YouTube. [Read more…]

Mock the Movie: Michael Bay Ate My Pizza, er, Childhood Edition

This Wednesday, we’re running a Mock the Movie overtime. We’re picking up in the middle of the month because Jason wanted, for some inexplicable reason, to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. More understandably, he didn’t want to be alone as everything light and silly from his childhood explodes around his head.

This is available on Netflix on a kind of sketchy ad-supported site we’ve used before to no ill effect. Just watch where you click. [Read more…]

Mock the Movie: Blowing Smoke Edition

Mock the Movie owes its very existence to Asylum Films through their Faith Films division, so at least they’re good for something. Making movies that work as movies is certainly not it, Sharknado not withstanding. So we’re left with watching these painful, ridiculous knock-offs together and mocking the hell out of them. This Wednesday, it’s time for Airplane vs Volcano.

Yes, we’ll be watching a bunch of hapless and probably annoying airplane passengers die as they’re trapped in the air in a ring of erupting volcanoes. Really. No, I’m not sure why either.

This one is available on Netflix.

[Read more…]