Yes, we’re functionally twelve. I fully expect that we’ll sit down to Journey to the Seventh Planet and largely forsake the classic science fiction plot for ass jokes. We can’t be held responsible, though. Just look at the teaser text on this trailer.
When someone said, “I yelled at the screen through that whole movie”, we knew we were on the right track. When we saw Jason Statham, Ron Perlman, and Ray Liotta together…in a sword and sorcery flick…from the director of the Blood Rayne movies….with Matthew Lillard and Burt Reynolds…well, there might have been cackling.
As Dark Dungeon comes out, it seems only fair to remind everyone that Jack Chick is not the only person who can pen a terrible, terrible movie about the game. In fact, Chick at least wasn’t trying to be entertaining. The makers of the 2000 Dungeons & Dragons had no such excuse.
Three years before Captain Jack, John Barrowman’s career was…not all that. The result was Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, a movie which prompted the question, “Three?!” This year, it is our Shark Week feature.
What? This isn’t shark week? Yeah, that’s okay. The movie’s not going to show any real shark behavior either.
Sometimes, when filmmakers don’t have the money for a good script, or a good location, or good special effects, they decide to roll with it, hire a non-actor, and pretend the whole thing is supposed to be funny. Of course, that doesn’t actually make the movie funny. When this happens, you get something like Hell Comes to Frogtown.
If you were the ghost of a mummy, reawakened by a CAT scan and bearing the name of a demon, what would you do? Burgle the Louvre, of course, but only after possessing Sophie Marceau.
Look, I’m sure Belphégor – Le fantôme du Louvre made more sense in French–in the Sixties, when it was a cult TV hit show and everyone did more drugs. Well, maybe I’m not sure, but I am hopeful. Either way, we’re going to mock it this Wednesday.
So by now you’ve probably seen that Ricky Gervais is once again desperately clinging to a word that he desperately needs to…well, for some reason anyway, I’m sure. I first saw it on Facebook:
If you grabbed Hitler and shouted “stop killing innocent people you cunt”, someone on Facebook would call you out on your sexist language.
As I pointed out there, if you grabbed Hitler and shouted at him, people would rightly point out that he’s dead and hasn’t been killing people for nearly 70 years, which just raises the next question: What are you really doing that’s so vitally important you can’t spare a moment to deal with sexism?
When Ophelia posted more of Gervais’s “defense”, such as it is, it struck me how hard he was working to defend something that’s fundamentally useless. It just doesn’t work as a serious epithet, unless your entire point is the misogyny. It’s even more useless for a comedian. [Read more…]