Flirting Is Easy*

A few days ago, JT put up a post, “Flirting, sex, and lines“, on sorting through the signals of con mating rituals with someone you don’t know well. The discussion will inevitably turn that direction when the subject of harassment comes up, and I’m happy to say his post served at least one of its purposes. The discussion on my posts did not get derailed, even briefly, by the “awkward flirting” discussion.

JT and I chatted a little before he wrote his post, both about keeping the topics separate and about whether it’s hard to tell when someone is flirting with you. I maintained then, and maintain now that it’s not. If you think it is, that’s probably because you’re unclear on exactly what flirting is.

Continue reading “Flirting Is Easy*”

Flirting Is Easy*
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Does the G-Spot Exist?

According to Dr Petra, that’s the wrong question to be asking. She makes a good case for her position, too.

Each time studies on the g-spot have been published the media has reacted as though
– these are groundbreaking studies
– the do they/don’t they have g-spots issue is the most pressing topic in sex research
– these studies require no critical attention

And in all these cases journalists – including health and science correspondents – have responded to these studies in one simple way. To frame their stories with the question ‘does the g-spot exist?’ Continue reading “Does the G-Spot Exist?”

Does the G-Spot Exist?

About Those Gay Homophobes

A little while ago, Natalie put up (as part of a longer post, naturally) a meditation on the stories of trans people.

I suppose there’s a lot of things that I find strange or complicated about trans people “telling our stories”. It feels like it’s something we’re sort of frustratingly expected to do, and like there’s a certain kind of particular genre in which we’re expected to tell it. It’s supposed to be a story filled with struggle and pain and suicide attempts and ostracization and so forth. A bit of a grim tragedy thing. And people often seem annoyed when we tell our stories in different terms… like as comedies, epics or fantasies. Or when we swap out the expected tropes, metaphors and archetypes, such as The Victim, The Bully, The Wrong Body, The Last Resort, The Transformation, and instead articulate ourselves through new, self-determined terms and frameworks.

Story is part of the way we construct and manage meaning. Our cultural expectations of story and our retellings of stories both have an effect on the retention of the memories from which those stories are told. It is simply easier to deal with memories that conform to what we think story should be.

And us? Well, we’re lazy sods, so we gravitate to the stories that meet our expectations, that are easier to deal with. Not always, but it’s true in the general case. So, when we see a study (pdf) that tells us that self-identified heterosexual men who score highly in homophobia also show a greater degree of “penile tumescence” in response to graphic male-on-male pornography, the lazy response is to use this finding to prop up the idea that “everyone knows” that homophobes are compensating for being secretly gay. Continue reading “About Those Gay Homophobes”

About Those Gay Homophobes

Talbot's Awkward Commentary on the Sexual Revolution

I understand the urge of a pundit to turn every little observation into a grand, sweeping thing that casts light on our contentious issues and historical trends. After all, if you turn to newspapers and magazines for your reading, that is what you see, over and over. It has to have an effect on your expectations. The truth, however, is that if you try such things in your own writing, they can often turn out to be…well, awkward.

Such is the case with Margaret Talbot’s commentary in The New Yorker, “Girls Will Be Girls“. Talbot takes the HBO series Girls, which hasn’t aired an episode yet, and uses that and the GOP war on women as an opportunity to opine about the downsides of the sexual revolution. These start on the small end with things like “awkward” sex, particularly the sort of sex fed by pornography. Continue reading “Talbot's Awkward Commentary on the Sexual Revolution”

Talbot's Awkward Commentary on the Sexual Revolution

Good News from Utah

From April and John comes something of a rarity these days, the news that a conservative politician has declined to take the stupidest, most reactionary stance on a piece of legislation regarding sexual health. Utah Governor Gary Herbert has vetoed the legislation that would have allowed schools to stop teaching sex education and barred any mention of contraception in what sex education remained.

It was a decision that followed pressure by thousands of Utahns on both sides of the issue since lawmakers passed HB363 last week. Utahns flooded the governor’s office with thousands of letters; more than 40,000 people signed an online petition against it; hundreds rallied against it at the Capitol this week; and a variety of groups took public stands.

In rejecting the bill Friday, Herbert said that sex education is an emotional topic and instruction should stress the importance of abstinence, but not interfere with parents’ ability to determine how their children are instructed.

“After careful review of existing law and following extensive discussions with stakeholders on both sides of the issue,” Herbert said, “I am convinced the existing statutory framework respects these two principles, while HB363 simply goes too far by constricting parental options.”

There’s some talk that this is political cowardice on the part of the governor. I’m fine with that. Whatever it takes.

Good News from Utah

Utah Getting More Regressive on Sex Education

In the middle of national hearings on birth control access and the passage of state laws punishing women who receive abortions, Utah has been doing something stupid. Most of us were distracted. April Gardner was not. I followed events through her Twitter feed and asked her to write a guest post since most people still don’t know this happened.

Utah’s Legislators Ignore the Purpose of Education and Expose Students to Harm

Over the last month, Utah’s conservative legislators in the House of Representatives have made a mission of pushing conservative morals into an education policy that is a solution in search of a problem. What’s more, in doing so they have not only ignored the entire purpose of educating the next generation, but they have created an environment that will leave Utah’s youths far more vulnerable than they are under the current curriculum standards. Continue reading “Utah Getting More Regressive on Sex Education”

Utah Getting More Regressive on Sex Education

International Sex Worker Rights Day

One of these days, I’ll get around to writing about where I stand on sex work. I don’t think it’s a complicated stance, but it is one that mostly relies on analogy, so it takes some explaining. So that day won’t be today.

What I will do today is link you to the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance’s page on International Sex Worker Rights Day. It gives you a good background on the challenges to the human rights of sex workers, of course. This year, however, there is also progress to be celebrated, partly thanks to Woodhull. Continue reading “International Sex Worker Rights Day”

International Sex Worker Rights Day

When Sex Isn't Enough

We’re all hearing (if we’re paying any attention at all to U.S. politics) the refrain that sex by itself, for fun and pleasure, is somehow “less” than sex that carries out the sacred duty of procreation or sex that expresses the divine love of marriage. It’s a common trope that most of us who argue for a reality-based, shame-free view of sex argue against…at least when the religion involved is conservative and Abrahamic.

Chris Hall notes that we’re not always particularly good at being consistent in this view:

Continue reading “When Sex Isn't Enough”

When Sex Isn't Enough