Last night, I posted a piece that relied on my experience as a victim of sexual assault. I mentioned in that post that it was the sort of thing I didn’t want to write about all the time, that I chose my moments.
It isn’t the writing I want to manage. I can do that by this point without going there again. It’s the responses. This is what I woke up to this morning.
I’m not sure where the bullshit is supposed to be in my post. She didn’t say. She never says, just cries, “Bullshit!” and wanders off.
This idea that I should stop drinking, though–that’s toxic. “So, hey, you were sexually assaulted. You should just stop living your life rather than cope with some distress.” Another response makes the meaning even more plain.
You see, since someone else committed a crime against me, I should be (figuratively) jailed. If I can’t pretend in every particular that it never happened, I should give up my life.
This just tells me she hasn’t bothered to read the post she’s upset about:
There’s a certain amount of irony in the rest of Hendricks’ Twitter rant.
If finding a way to successfully deal for a decade with something that scares you is weak…no, there just isn’t any “if” there. This is a ridiculous statement. Not only have I never claimed that all victims (men or women) react the same way, but the idea that someone who doesn’t just shake-off sexual assault is “weak” is sociopathic. It takes far more strength to deal with the after-effects of trauma on a daily basis than it does to live without the burden.
Hendricks, of course, took her vague complaint to the slime pit, as I discovered when I saw my traffic stats this morning. There, John Welch decided to add his two cents.
oh for fuck’s sake, damn zvain, i’m sorry no one ever taught you about drinking, but shit on a shingle, “every time I see a drink, i see rape on the other side”.
Christ, GET SOME FUCKING COUNSELING!
Welch misquotes me, as I expect at this point. What I actually said was, “For that decade, every time I contemplated a mixed drink, even those that came from the bartenders, I saw the possible rape on the other side of it. Every single time.”
As for his comments on drinking, I was 15 when I was assaulted. Exactly how much was I supposed to know about drinking at that point. Was I supposed to be able to guage the alcohol content of a drink designed to disguise alcohol? More importantly, what could anyone have taught me about drinking that would have told me the difference between someone who wanted to pour me a drink as part of a social event and someone who wanted to pour me a drink as a means to assault? Is there a course for that?
Or do they teach that in counseling for sexual assault? I’m pretty sure they don’t, which makes the counseling comment flat out stupid in addition to being grossly inappropriately personal. Especially since what they would have done in counseling, if the counselors were good, was try to help me live as normal a life as possible, making the accommodations I needed. In fact, they would have suggested I do more or less exactly what I did, at least once I was of legal drinking age.
Welch doesn’t actually want me to get counseling, though. What he wants is right up there in how he spells my name. “zvain” Isn’t it hilarious? Isn’t he clever?
Well, no. He’s just one more person who doesn’t want me to talk about me, particularly when I’m talking about that sexual assault. And he’s perfectly happy, along with the rest of them, to try to shame me when I do.
So what happens when I write about this stuff? I should stop drinking, hide in my house, and get counseling I don’t actually need. Anyone wonder why I pick my moments?