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Jan 25 2012

Now Everyone Can Eat Babies!

But only if you think fetuses count as babies. I guess that makes atheists exempt this time around.

An Oklahoma Republican is pushing a bill to outlaw the use of human fetuses in food, because, as he says, “there is a potential that there are companies that are using aborted human babies in their research and development of basically enhancing flavor for artificial flavors.”

State Sen. Ralph Shortey introduced a bill on Tuesday “prohibiting the sale or manufacture of food or products which contain aborted human fetuses.”

Though he has allowed that he is not aware of this occurring in Oklahoma, or anywhere for that matter, Shortey cited research he did on the internet that claimed that some companies use embryonic stem cells to help develop artificial flavoring.

Somebody’s been reading too much wingnut news, I think. Still, the idea has potential: Now! More baby flavor than ever!

ETA: Gawker is on the case, ready to tell you which companies will provide your fetus flavoring!

11 comments

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  1. 1
    feralboy12

    After this one becomes law, he can get to work on a bill to prohibit the use of aborted baby fetuses as traffic cones. We have to get ahead of this thing.

  2. 2
    becca

    Aren’t you supposed to eat a queer dead fetus for Jesus?

  3. 3
    Randomfactor

    Can’t wait to see them come right out and oppose therapeutic products which include stem cells.

    Which could ban transfusions.

  4. 4
    Kevin

    I think feralboy has it right. We have to have more legislation to detail just what we can’t use aborted fetuses for. My thoughts:

    1. Third base in a pickup baseball game.
    2. Scratch-n-Sniff cards selling dead baby perfume in magazines.

    There must be thousands and thousands of things we shouldn’t use aborted fetuses for…

    Of course, Garnier will protest, because it uses only all-natural ingredients in its products — like placenta in shampoo. After all, it’s natural, so it must be good for you.

    Dead baby hair conditioner. Dead baby refining mask. Dead baby body wash.

    But what I really want to know is, what does this Republican legislator have against the free enterprise system? Why is he imposing Big Government on entrepreneurs who are just trying to make a living and create jobs? Does he hate America? Is he a secret Communist? Won’t someone please think of the 1% and their needs? … sniff…

    Inquiring minds want to know.

  5. 5
    Robert B.

    Well, they do contain everything the human body needs…

    -_-

    The Gawker article mentioned that putting aborted fetuses in food would, in fact, already be against the law.

    So, hey, as long as it’s Propose A Stupid Law Day, how about this: whenever a legislator proposes a bill that bans things already illegal, or permits things already allowed, or requires things that are already mandatory, the treasury will bill him for the time of all the other legislators who read, discussed, debated, and/or voted on this waste of paper and air. And, you know what, let’s say he has to give back his own salary, too, for the time he spent writing it.

    For bonus points, the legislator who gets the biggest bill every year may avoid payment if he agrees to instead climb aboard a catapult (built right in front of their legislature’s meeting place) and be flung into the ocean. Inland capitals, such as Oklahoma City, are encouraged to give it their best try, though of course we’d all understand if they fell short. Perhaps if the catapult were very large…

  6. 6
    Snowshoe the Canuck

    #5. I like ths idea. Perhps if the ‘donated’ funds then went to inner city schools the quality of legislation would go up, or the quality of schools would go up. But wht would the likes of Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewrt do for source material?

  7. 7
    jaranath

    I just can’t get past the fact that this guy admits “I read about it somewhere on the internet” is good enough for him to draft a law. Ugh.

  8. 8
    Robert B.

    @ Snowshoe:

    I anticipated your question; hence the catapult. :-D

  9. 9
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Anyone know what this guy is smoking?

    I’d really like to avoid it.

  10. 10
    becca

    In hilarious scientific fact based interpretations of potential crazy laws:
    any woman who ever had an abortion would be put in prision (I’d be surprised if this douchecanoe wouldn’t want that)
    Also, any man or woman whose mother had a previous abortion
    Why?
    Well, if you have a fetus, it’s cells can hang around in your body (or it’s later sibling’s bodies) for years!
    And what are those cells doing? They are detectable in blood. Therefore, making blood counts as “manufacture” of a product that contains (minute amounts of) dead fetus! You don’t even have to sell your blood for this to apply.

    That said, placenta in shampoo is a-ok as long as the fetus wasn’t aborted.

  11. 11
    Pascale

    As a resident of Oklahoma, I am delighted to report that the general reaction to this bill is WTF?
    “Idiot” is the kindest term I have heard used regarding the legislator proposing the bill; apparently he has not ever passed anything during his undoubtedly otherwise distinguished career.

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