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Aug 01 2009

Vacation Notes

I’m sitting in a hotel room in Portland, Oregon, avoiding the sun and awaiting a wedding. I have one of those underestimating-sun-exposure-due-to-clouds-and-trees sunburns, but life is good otherwise.

  • I’ve made it past the TSA with a minor who isn’t mine and has pins in her arm hidden under a cast. Also with a bottle of narcotics that aren’t prescribed under my name. It’s okay, though. They were in the name of that minor who had just been taken away to have her arm scanned.
  • I’ve been subject to a dramatic reading of the Skymall catalog, which was much funnier than it sounds.
  • I’ve completed two rounds of work on my mystery project and am satisfied it’s ready to go to the next stage. One of those rounds was despite the guy in front of me on the plane deciding his seat didn’t recline far enough, so he had to really lean back into it from time to time.
  • I’ve survived 90F and sunny at the Portland zoo with a teenager operating on one hour of sleep and motion sickness. I have no idea whether she’ll remember the giraffe she was so set on seeing.
  • I’ve managed to get my mother her hotel room key despite the fact that she didn’t turn her cell phone on until she was sitting in my room.
  • I’ve short-circuited a tantrum by said teenager by, instead of arguing about what she needed to do, dripping water on her “napping” self while describing the secret project to my mother and brother. (I never said I was anything like orthodox, just effective.)
  • I’ve aided and abetted saving a very confused fish from asphyxia and seagulls.
  • I’ve survived a muddy, cliffside walk with a teenager who is “too smart to do something dumb enough to get hurt” and who really wanted to show me this cool, off-trail place from which to take a great picture. She survived as well.
  • I’ve aided and abetted saving a banana slug that really wanted to hang out in the middle of the trail.
  • I’ve cleaned enough mud off myself and the teenager to be marginally presentable for an indoor lunch.
  • I’ve avoided asking a server whose great idea it was to serve crab bisque as a do-it-yourself meal: two whole crab legs served in a bowl of cream and tarragon. The task of cracking open crabs is not improved by having them covered in soup.
  • I’ve explained to said teenager which parts of the dead jellyfish she could poke at and which parts could hurt her before she was aware that there were dead jellies on the beach on which she was walking barefoot.
  • I’ve picked up a wedding present and card before the wedding itself. We were snubbed by the person doing gift wrap, probably for being sandy and windswept. I think she was jealous that we’d spent our day at 70F instead of 95F.
  • I’ve been smart enough not to drag my pink skin back out under even cloudy skies.

All in all, pretty good. Now, as long as I can figure out where the wedding is actually being held, we should be all set. Oh, yeah, that and remember the groom’s name…and manage the whole TSA thing again tomorrow…at 6:30….

4 comments

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  1. 1
    Greg

    I hope there were not too many slugs at the wedding!

  2. 2
    Stephanie Zvan

    No slugs at the wedding. Just 100F temperatures and an inexplicable tendency for people to walk in and out of the reception hall and leave the door open.

  3. 3
    DuWayne Brayton

    Holy Shit!!! You did the Portland zoo??!??!?The last time I was there, I swore the next time, I was going to strap a 2×4 to the front of the stroller. People who are less than a foot in front of you and stop without warning or disregard for my baby's feet, deserve a fucking sore ankle, far more than my child deserves to have his feet rammed into morons.I also figured on taking one of those kick ass bike, pneumatic bike horns and possibly a big stick.I also concluded that I would never, ever go again on $2 day and never would I be the only adult with a seven month old, two six year olds and a seven year old. Not that this was the original plan. This was what happened when the other adult decided she wasn't feeling well and I care for her child and wanted her to be able to go anyways. Should have just fucking well said NO!Coincidentally, just was at Binder Park Zoo, with the boys today. Totally ruled, though my dad ended up having to drive out because there was a reptile exhibition and youngest started throwing a screaming fit both times we entered the building. Never could figure what the problem was, except that there were a lot of people – he never got to the place what had reptiles. Eldest was thrilled to get his picture taken with a python…Glad it all went smoothly on out – now hopefully it all goes/went well coming back…

  4. 4
    Stephanie Zvan

    DuWayne, we were there in what is very unusual heat for Portland, if not for us. There were more people in zoo shirts than there were visitors. Okay, that might have been because they were having some kind of volunteer event, but it was still nothing like crowded. Glad you're having fun with the boys. I'm going to be really envious in a couple of weeks when Juniper's out, though. If I were any closer, I'd run over and take you two out to dinner one night. And oh, you should have seen the python in Portland. It's a good thing I know how mean they are. They're waaaay too cute.

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