Rumors swirled in the monarchy of Heckofalot today, as the Twitter account of The Princess filled with what at first appeared to be postmodern song lyrics:
and later lapsed into apparent code:
Residents were first amused but rapidly grew concerned for the safety of the royal family. They were promptly reassured by The Prince (or is he The Butler?).
Ummm… Ignore those tweets from @bethanyg. The “Tiny Tyrant” got to her machine before I could close the lid.
The Princess threw her voice and authority behind the story.
Sorry – while I was at Arts Advocacy day, @duchessbeatrix decided to reinvent social media — on my account.
However, rather than calm the masses, these Tweets only raised new concerns. Her Grace, the Duchess of Heckofalot has long been known to Tweet in her own distinct voice.
Thank you to everyone who attended the my official birthday celebration at the palace. Thanks to everyone else for wishing you could.
This charmingly despotic voice is also in evidence at Her Grace’s blog.
Unlike other monarchies, we do not grant knighthood to any random pop music star or captain of industry that wonders in the door (Britain I am looking at you). We take such titles seriously here. To become a knight in Heckofalot, I will beat you on the head with my scepter until you cry and beg me for a title. Not only will this prove you worthy but it also makes me giggle.
None of these official communications did anything to prepare the citizens of Heckofalot for today’s Tweets. “Is something wrong with our dear Duchess?” they wondered aloud. “Surely, The Princess and The Prince (or is he The Butler?) would tell us if anything were amiss!”
But that was only the public speculation. Away from the prying eyes of the pervasive social media, other theories were put forth. People spoke in hushed tones of thwarted invasions and aborted palace coups. They also whispered of a theory that your correspondent trembles to commit to print.
Yes, in their offline privacy, the citizens of Heckofalot turned to one another and asked, “Does our Duchess tipple while she Tweets?”