Home again. Must crash for a bit before trying to get conference notes off my laptop hard drive. [sigh]
Since y’all like the writing about trolls, maybe this can entertain you until I’m functional again. Teresa at Making Light started a thread about the verbal cues that tell you when someone isn’t looking for real conversation. The comments are packed with trollish goodness (badness?). Note, it’s called bingo because one is not enough to indicate ill intent.
A few of my favorites:
“I expected a group of [insert type of group here] folks to be [enlightened|loving|accepting|welcoming|more evolved]. But you people are a bunch of [unenlightened|hateful|rejecting|cliquish|troglodyte] [insert plural noun for male or female animal or genitalia here].”
God, you all are a bunch of sheep/lemmings/silent Germans in the 30′s/brainless followers.
“You’re typing with one hand, aren’t you?”
“I already told the moderator about you. They’re going to ban you now.”
(Particularly amusing if it’s on my own site and the troll doesn’t realize they just told the site owner she’s going to get banned.)
If it’s so important for [minority group] to have the freedom to live their weird and perverted lifestyle, why don’t I have the freedom to live my normal, regular life and think badly of the weirdoes if I want to?
Reasonable people can disagree on [issues that affect an oppressed group the speaker is not a part of]
*bites his tongue*
[meta] Because if you don’t actually express your objection, but only make reference to your noble self-control in not expressing it, no one can actually refute whatever it is you’re feeling smug about. [/meta]
[Posts rambling screed full of half-truths, non-sequiturs and pure mis-information]
[Gets a dozen responses picking apart the misinformation point-by-point]
“Those were some very interesting replies, but unfortunately, I have a life/job/hobby/ingrown toenail, so it’ll be a while before I can respond to all of you.”
Don’t bother replying to this [abusive commentary], I’m not going to read anything more you write.
“Well, if somehow, somebody found that offensive, I’m sorry.”
what [group of which i am not a part] need to do to [choose 1: improve their credibility... win an election... get my sympathy... deserve public services for which they already pay taxes... purge their ranks of extremists... behave/appear in a manner more resembling myself... i could go on] is…
Many, many more where those came from.